They wouldnt follow anybody but Thiago, at least not yet, she said. That was clear. We needed him. This army did, and our people did, but we needed a better him.
Better.
And Akiva recalled his impression of the Wolf with whom hed negotiated this alliance. Intelligent, powerful, and sane, that was what hed thought at the time, never imagining the reason for it.
Finally, the pieces snapped into place and he understood. Somehow, Karou had put a different soul into the Wolfs body. Who? he asked. Who is it?
A wave of grief passed over her face. Its Ziri, she said, and when he didnt react to the name, she added, The Kirin whose life you saved.
The young Kirin, the last of the tribe. So he wasnt dead, not exactly. But how? Akiva asked, unable to imagine the chain of events that had created such a situation.
Karou was silent a moment, and faraway. Thiago attacked me, she said, reaching up to touch the cheek that had been swollen and abraded when Akiva flew to her in Morocco, he and Liraz bearing Hazaels body between them. She was nearly healed now. She looked like she might say more about it, but didnt. The press of her lips stilled a trembling, and Akiva remembered his full fury at the sight of her brutalized. His fists remembered it, and his heart and gut remembered, too, the unfathomable look of tenderness that had passed between her and the Wolf that night at the kasbah, and it finally made sense.
It didnt comfort him, though.
He attacked me and I killed him, she went on. And I didnt know what to do. I knew the others would make me resurrect him if they found us, and I couldnt face it. If things had been bad before, what would they be like after that? I dont know what I wouldve done. She trailed off.
Then her eyes came clear again, focusing keenly on him . Improbably, she smiled. It wasnt the radiant unfurling of her last smile, but another species entirely, small and sudden and surprised. As much as Ive thought about it, she said, I didnt get it, until right now, how it all comes back to you.
Me? he asked with a jolt.
You brought me Issa and Ziri both, she said. If it werent for you, I would have had no allies, and no chance.
Again, the weight of her wordsof her gratitudestirred Akivas deepest shame. If it werent for me, Karou, youd have a lot more allies. A lot more. How many corpses weighed in those words? Loramendi. Thousands upon thousands.
Stop doing that, she said in frustration. Akiva. I meant what I said, about forgiving. Its the only way forward. When the Wolf was still the Wolf, I tried reasoning with him, that his way was death. He wouldnt hear me. He couldnt. He was too far gone. But I kept finding your words in my mouth while I argued with him,
and I knew that however far youd gone, you had come back. And it helped bring me back.
His words? Akiva had none now. This was all so far from what hed feared she was going to tell him that he couldnt get his mind around it.
You said it depended on us, whether the future would have chimaera in it, she told him. And it wasnt only words. You saved Ziris life. If you hadnt, we couldnt be here now. You would be dead, and I I would be the Wolfs She didnt finish. Again, a shadow of horror darkened her look, leaving Akiva to imagine what exactly those simple words Thiago attacked me encompassed.
The flare of his rage threatened to blind him. He had to force it aside and remind himself, breathing, that the object of it was gone. Thiago couldnt be punished. If anything, this only made the rage hotter. I wasnt there to protect you, he said. I should never have left you there with him
I protected myself, Karou cut in. It was after that I needed help, and Ziri was there, and now were here, all of us. Thats what Im trying to say.
The horror had left her; the brightness in her eyes was tears, and the curve of her lips was gratitude, and Akiva experienced a surge of self-loathing when he caught himself wondering who the brightness and gratitude were for .
He saw again the look of tenderness that had passed between her and the impostor Wolf back at the kasbah, and saw again the way theyd stood together laughing just the day before.
Godstars. He would be dead right now if the Wolf had been the Wolf, and yet he could stand here and worry whether this intelligent, powerful, sane Thiago, this heroic Kirin who was Karous closest ally, was a greater threat to his own hopes than a murdering, torturing maniac had been? There were armies poised to fly, and he was worried about who Karou might love ?
But even thats not the end of it, she said. You brought me Issa, and you cant imagine what else you brought with her, but Akiva, it made the difference. Her eyes were so bright, their black gloss like a mirror for the fire of his wings. Its Loramendi. Its its not redemption, not completely, but its a start. Or it will be, when we can get there.
And then she told him about the cathedral.
The magnitude of the news it struck Akiva dumb and erased all his petty worries.