Zuzana glanced at Mik. This was what uncomplicated was like. It was wonderful. Karou didnt miss the glance. She smiled at them, wistful. Just know how lucky you are, she said.
I do, said Mik.
I definitely do, agreed Zuzana, quickly, and with a little more gusto than was really her style. She still felt so off . Oh, hungry, dirty, and tired, most definitelyhence her three wishesbut this went way beyond that. For a minute there,
back in the entrance cavern, shed felt like she was staring at the end of the freaking world.
What the hell was that?
When she was a kid, shed had this favorite dollwell, it was a duck, actuallyand she had apparently rendered it quite vile with the depredations of her toddler adoration, including, as her brother Tomáš liked to remind her, her habit of sucking on its eyes. Shed found it comforting, the hard clicky smoothness of them against her tiny teeth.
Less than comforting had been her parents campaign to persuade her that this could kill her . You could choke, darling. You could stop breathing.
But what did that really mean to a toddler? It was Tomáš who had driven the message home. By choking her. Just a little. Brothers, so helpful in matters of death demonstration. You could die, hed said cheerfully, his hands around her throat. Like this.
It had worked. Shed understood. Things can kill you. All kinds of things, like toys, or older brothers. And as shed grown up, that list had just gotten longer and longer.
But shed never felt it this powerfully before. What was that Nietzsche quote that Goth poet-types love so much? When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you ? Well, the abyss had looked into her. No. It had gawked; it had glared . Zuzana was pretty sure it had left scorch marks on her soul, and it was hard to imagine ever feeling normal again.
But she wasnt going to go complaining to Karou about every fear and freak-out. She had wanted to come here. Karou had warned her it would be dangerousand okay, the warning in the abstract was a little bit like telling a toddler about choking, minus the demonstration but she was here now, and she didnt want to be the crybaby in this gang.
And as for lucky ? Im lucky Im even alive, she announced. When I was little, I sucked on duck eyeballs.
Mik and Karou just looked at her, and Zuzana was glad to see Karous wistfulness give way to bemused concern. Thats interesting, Zuze, she ventured.
I know. And I dont even try. Some people are just interesting. You , though, with your drab, ordinary life. You should get out more. Try new things.
Uh-huh, said Karou, and Zuzana was rewarded with a glimpse of that elusive mirth. Youre right. So dull. Ill take up stamp collecting. Thats interesting, isnt it?
No. Unless youre pasting them onto your body and wearing them as clothes.
That sounds like someones semester project at school.
It totally does! Zuzana agreed. Helen would do it. But shed make it a performance. Start out naked with a big bowl of stamps so people could lick them and paste them on her.
Karou finally laughed outright, and Zuzana felt pride of accomplishment. Laugh achieved. Maybe she couldnt make Karous lifeor loveless complicated, and maybe she didnt have any helpful hints when it came to, oh, angel invasions or dangerous deceptions or armies that clearly just wanted to start killing each other, but she could do this at least. She could make her friend laugh.
So what now? she asked. The angels throw a magnificent banquet in our honor?
Karou laughed again, but it was a dark sound. Not exactly. Next is the war council.
War council, repeated Mik, sounding a little dazed, as Zuzana most definitely felt. Dazed and far, far out of her depth. She imagined that every hair on her body was still standing on end from the weird, electric horror of the past hour. Seeing Uthem die? That was a first for her. Shed had to walk through his blood , and while that hadnt seemed to fuss the soldiers (as cool as if they waded through blood every morning to get to breakfast), it had fussed her, though shed barely had time to process it. Shed been so spun by her own paralyzed terror, and what she was now thinking of as the abysss mad gawk.
Karou gave a hard exhale. That is why were here. On here , she made a quick scan of the room and added, Strange as it is.
And Zuzana felt even more out of her depth, trying to imagine what it meant to her friend, being back here. She couldnt, of course. This was the site of a massacre. Maybe it was the echo of the abyss that brought it on, but she imagined walking up to her own familys house and finding it deserted, the beds decayed and no one there to greet her ever and she sucked in a little breath.
Are you all right? Karou asked her.
Im fine. More to the point, are you all right?
Karou nodded, smiled a little. Yeah, I am, actually. She raised her torch and looked around. Its weird. When I lived here, it was the world. I didnt know that everyone didnt live inside mountains.
Its pretty amazing, Zuzana said.