Intrigued.
At the moment that their eyes met, Karou cocked her head to one side, a sudden birdlike motion. She didnt smile, but there was an open warmth in her look that seemed to reach out toward Liraz.
Who wanted to send it right back at her on the end of an arrow.
And then, simply, Karou tucked her face against her knees and settled in to sleep. Liraz didnt know what to do with herself, caught in the act. Back away? Burn everyone?
Well, maybe not that.
In the end, she stayed where she was.
But by the time the chimaera host was awakened and Akivas return made knownwith good news: the Misbegotten promise was givenLiraz was up, and no one knew what shed done but Karou. Liraz thought of warning her not to tell anyone, but feared that caring that much about it just broached a whole new level of vulnerability and gave Karou even more power over her, so she didnt. But she did glare at her.
Thank you, Akiva said quietly when they had a moment by themselves.
For what? Liraz demanded, squinting at him as if he might somehow know how shed passed the last hours.
He shrugged. For staying here. Keeping the peace. It couldnt have been fun.
It wasnt, she said, and dont thank me. I might be the first one to draw my sword, once I have backup.
Akiva wasnt fooled. Mm hmm, he said, suppressing a smile. Hamsas?
No, she grudgingly admitted. Not a touch.
His brows went up in surprise. Amazing.
It was amazing. Liraz grimaced, remembering her absurd anger about itwhat did they mean, leaving her in peace like that? It was odd, though. It was off . But saying so would just sound foolish, and maybe it was. Akiva looked hopeful. Liraz hadnt seen him look like that ever. It squeezed her hearta bad and good feeling. How could a feeling be both bad and good? Akiva was happy; that was the good. Hazael should be here; that was the bad.
Did you tell them? she asked Akiva. About Haz? She was strumming at the bad ache in an effort to blot out the good.
Akiva nodded, and she saw with a mixture of guilt and petty triumphbut mostly guiltthat shed blotted out his hopeful look, too, lacing it with pain. Can you imagine how much easier this would all be, if he were here?
Instead of me , thought Liraz, though
she knew that wasnt what Akiva meant. She meant it, though. Maybe shed been acting on Hazaels behalf in the night, sharing her fire, but it was feeble compared to what he would have brought to this bizarre communion of beasts and angels. Laughter and helpless grins, a swift breaking down of barriers. No one could hold out long against Haz. Her own gift, she thought with an inward shudder, was very different, and unwelcome in the future they were trying to build. All she was good at was killing.
For so long it had been a source of pride and boasting, and though the pride was gone, she would wear her boasts forever. Her sleeves were pushed all the way down, as they always were now, hiding the truth of her tallythe awful truth that it wasnt just her hands that were marked. She might have shoved her hands in the chimaeras faces back at the kasbah, but she hadnt flaunted the full and terrible truth.
The campfire tattoos, the columns of five-countseach one made up of four fine lines with a strike-throughwere not confined to her hands. Up her arms they climbed, giving her flesh the look of black lace. No one else had a count like hers. No one.
It ended at the elbows, frittering away in one incomplete count: two fine lines that were the last two kills shed had the stomach to record. Before Loramendi.
Loramendi.
Shed been having a recurring dream since then, in which, possessed of the belief that they would grow back clean , she cut her arms off.
Just how she accomplished this, the dream never made clear. Oh, the first arm was easy, sure. The second was the puzzle her mind skipped blithely over.
How, exactly, does one cut off both of her own arms?
The point was, they didnt grow back. Or at least, she always woke up before they could. She would lie there blinking, and she could never get back to sleep until she imagined an ending, one in which the fountaining blood from her stumps arranged itself into growthbone, flesh, fingerssolidifying until she was whole again. Whole, and also unmarked.
A clean start.
A fantasy.
Shed never told anyone but Hazael, who had diverted her for a half hour after by trying to solve the puzzle of dual self-arm-severing, ending up sprawled on his back and declaring it impossible. She hadnt told Akiva because, well, he wasnt there. After Loramendi, he had left them, and even though hed come back, he was in a world of his own. Take right now, for example. He was looking past Liraz, and she didnt have to follow his gaze to know at whom. He was staring; she snapped her fingers in front of his eyes.
A little subtlety, brother? The chimaera will take it out on her if they think theres still something between you two. Havent you heard what they call her?
What? He looked genuinely surprised. No. What do they call her?