And Akiva almost said, I know what darkness is , because he did, in all the worst senses of the word, but he didnt want Karou to think he was retreating to the bleak state shed drawn him out of in Morocco. So he held his tongue and was glad he had when she added, so softly he nearly didnt hear, And mine.
And he looked at her and was filled with the sight of her, and felt, as he had so many times before in her presenceMadrigal and Karounew life, new growth. Tendrils of sensation and emotion that he had never known before her and never would have without her, and they were something real . Roots branching and reaching, past every trapdoor and through any number of dark levels, and the scheme of energies that he had described so inadequatelythe unknowable dimensions and geographies of selfwas changed by it, like a dark quarter of space when a new star bursts into being. Akiva was made brighter. Fuller.
Only love could do that. He caught Karous hand, small and cool, within his own, and held on to it as he held on to the sight of her. The happiness was there, ordinary equipment, stowed right alongside the worry and sorrow and resolve, and it didnt solve anything, but it lightened it.
Ready? he asked.
It was time to go see his uncle.
They said their good-byes without saying good-bye, because Akiva told them it was bad luck to do so, like tempting fate. Whatever words they used, there was a shadow over the lot of them, because it was to be no brief parting. Virko, in what would be his last language lesson for a while, taught Zuzana how to say, I kiss your eyes and leave my heart in your hands, which was an old chimaera farewell and of course led to Zuzana pantomiming a reaction to having a beating heart thrust into her hands.
Esther fussed over them, grandmotherly again and something close to contrite. She made sure they had the map, and knew the way. She asked, concerned, what they intended to do against so many enemies, but Karou didnt tell her. Not much, was her reply. Just persuade them to go home.
Esther looked troubled, but didnt press. Ill order champagne, she said, to celebrate your victory. I only wish you could be here to drink it with us.
Eliza, all the while, sat staring.
Youll see to it she gets some help? Karou asked Zuzana and Mik. After were gone?
Zuzanas face immediately took on a hard set and she wouldnt meet Karous eyes, but Mik nodded. Dont worry, he said. You have enough to worry about.
He understood, if Zuzana didnt, why things had to be this way. He had reminded her himself, several times, on the way here. Remember how were not samurai in even the smallest way? hed asked. We cant help with this. Wed only weigh Virko down and get in the way. And if theres more fighting
He hadnt elaborated.
Thank you, Karou said, with one last, helpless look at Eliza. I know its a lot to leave you with, but I showed you how to access money. Please, use it. For her, for you. Anything you need.
Money, Zuzana muttered, as though it were worse than useless, an insult.
Karou turned to her. If theres anything for you to come back to, she promised, hating the if as though the word itself were her enemy, Ill find a way to come get you.
How? Youre going to close the portal.
We have to, but there are more portals. Ill find them.
What, youll have time to be hunting for portals?
I dont know. It was a refrain. I dont know what well find when we get back. I dont know if there will be any hope left to work with in all the world. I dont know how Ill find another portal. I dont know if Ill be alive. I dont know.
Zuzana, her hard expression unchanged, tipped her head forward in a kind of slow-motion collision that Karou didnt recognize for a hug until, at the last minute, her friends arms went around her. Be safe, Zuzana whispered. No heroics. If you have to save yourself, do it, and come back here. Both of you. All three of you. We can make Virko a human body or something. Just promise me, if you get there and everyones She didnt say it. Dead. Youll just keep out of sight and come back here and live .
Karou couldnt promise that, as Zuzana must have known, because she didnt give her a chance to answer, but plowed ahead with, Good. Thank you. Thats all I wanted to hear, as though a promise had been given. Karou returned her hug, hating good-byes like shed hated the if , and then there was nothing left to do but go.
56
MY SWEET BARBARIAN
Cleanliness, at last. Mik and Zuzana took turns in the bathroom, so that one of them could sit with Eliza, while also keeping a vigil for breaking angel news. The TV was on low, and Esthers laptop was open with several feeds constantly refreshing, but nothing had happened yet, and wouldnt be likely to for a while
Karou, Zuzana knew, had a stop to make before the Vatican: the Museo Civico di Zoologia. It was a natural history museum, and there had been a calm defiance in her when she declared her intention to go there. It had half broken Zuzanas heart, knowing what it was forto replenish her store of teeth, in case souls had been saved, at least, in the battleand that she wouldnt be there to help, whatever it was they found when they got back to Eretz.