Perhaps later, he said, eyes narrowed in thought. Lie back, Sassenach, and ruckle up your shift. Then open your legs for me, theres a good lass no, a bit wider, aye? He beganwith deliberate slownessto remove his shirt.
I sighed and shifted my buttocks a little, looking for a position that wouldnt give me cramp if I had to hold it for long.
If you have in mind what I think you have in mind, youll regret it. I havent even bathed properly, I said reproachfully. Im desperately filthy and I smell like a horse.
Naked, he raised one arm and sniffed appraisingly.
Oh? Well, so do I. Thats no matter; Im fond of horses. Hed abandoned any pretense of delay, but paused to survey his arrangements, looking me over with approval.
Aye, verra good. Now then, if yell just put your hands above your head and seize the bedstead
You wouldnt! I said, and then lowered my voice, with an involuntary glance toward the door. Not with MacDonald just across the hall!
Oh, I would, he assured me, and the devil wi MacDonald and a dozen more like him. He paused, though, studying me thoughtfully, and after a moment, sighed and shook his head.
No, he said quietly. Not tonight. Yere still thinking of that poor Dutch bastard and his family, no?
Yes. Arent you?
He sat down beside me on the bed with a sigh.
Ive been trying verra hard not to, he said frankly. But the new dead dinna lie easy in their graves, do they?
I laid a hand on his arm, relieved that he felt the same. The night air seemed restless with the passage of spirits, and I had felt the dragging melancholy of that desolate garden, that row of graves, all through the events and alarums of the evening.
It was a night to be securely locked inside, with a good fire on the hearth, and people nearby. The house stirred, shutters creaking
in the wind.
I do want ye, Claire, Jamie said softly. I need if ye will?
And had they spent the night before their deaths like this, I wondered? Peaceful and snug betwixt their walls, husband and wife whispering together, lying close in their bed, having no notion what the future held. I saw in memory her long white thighs as the wind blew over her, and the glimpse Id had of the small curly mat between them, the pudenda beneath its nimbus of brown hair pale as carved marble, the seam of it sealed like a virgins statue.
I need, too, I said, just as softly. Come here.
He leaned close, and pulled the drawstring neatly from the neck of my shift, so the worn linen wilted off my shoulders. I made a grab for the fabric, but he caught my hand, and held it down by my side. One-fingered, he brushed the shift lower, then put out the candle, and in a dark that smelled of wax and honey and the sweat of horses, kissed my forehead, eyes, the corners of my cheeks, my lips and chin, and so continued, slow and soft-lipped, to the arches of my feet.
He raised himself then, and suckled my breasts for a long time, and I ran my hand up his back and cupped his buttocks, naked and vulnerable in the dark.
Afterward, we lay in a pleasantly vermiform tangle, the only light in the room a faint glow from the banked hearth. I was so tired that I could feel my body sinking into the mattress, and desired nothing more than to keep going down, down, into the welcoming dark of oblivion.
Sassenach?
Um?
A moments hesitation, then his hand found mine, curling round it.
Ye wouldna do what she did, would ye?
Who?
Her. The Dutchwoman.
Snatched back from the edge of sleep, I was muzzy and confused, sufficiently so that even the image of the dead woman, shrouded in her apron, seemed unreal, no more disturbing than the random fragments of reality my brain tossed overboard in a vain effort to keep afloat as I sank down into the depths of sleep.
What? Fall into the fire? Ill try not, I assured him, yawning. Good night.
No. Wake up. He shook my arm gently. Talk to me, Sassenach.
Ng. It was a considerable effort, but I pushed away the enticing arms of Morpheus, and flounced over onto my side, facing him. Mm. Talk to you. About ?
The Dutchwoman, he repeated patiently. If I were to be killed, ye wouldna go and kill your whole family, would ye?
What? I rubbed my free hand over my face, trying to make some sense of this, amid the drifting shreds of sleep. Whose wholeoh. You think she did it on purpose? Poisoned them?
I think maybe so.
His words were no more than a whisper, but they brought me back to full consciousness. I lay silent for a moment, then reached out, wanting to be sure he was really there.
He was; a large, solid object, the smooth bone of his hip warm and live under my hand.
It might as well have been an accident, I said, voice pitched low. You cant know for sure.
No, he admitted. But I canna keep from seeing it. He turned restlessly onto his back.
The men came, he said softly, to the beams overhead. He fought them, and they killed him there, on his own threshold. And when she saw her man was gone I think she told the men she must feed the weans first, before and then she put toadstools into the stew, and fed it to the bairns and her mother. She took the two men with them, but I think it was that that was the accident. She only meant to follow him. She wouldna leave him there, alone.