PHOEBE. No indeed, sir, I only wish I had it.
BLADES (who has had no intention of offering, but is suddenly carried off his feet by the excellence of the opportunity, which is no doubt responsible for many proposals ). Miss Livvy, ma'am, you may have it.
(She has a great and humorous longing that she could turn before his affrighted eyes into the schoolmistress she really is. She would endure much to be able at this moment to say, 'I have listened to you, ENSIGN BLADES, with attention, but I am really MISS PHOEBE, and I must now request you to fetch me the implement.' Under the shock, would he have surrendered his palm for punishment? It can never be known, for as she looks at him longingly, LIEUTENANT SPICER enters, and he mistakes the meaning of that longing look. )
BLADES. Leave us, sir. We have matter of moment to discuss.
SPICER (fearing the worst ). His affection, Miss Livvy, is not so deep as mine. He is a light and shallow nature.
PHOEBE. Pooh! You are both light and shallow natures.
BLADES. Both, ma'am? (But he is not sure that he has not had a miraculous escape. )
PHOEBE (severely ). 'Tis such as you, with your foolish flirting ways, that confuse the minds of women and make us try to be as silly as yourselves.
SPICER (crushed ). Ma'am.
PHOEBE. I did not mean to hurt you. (She takes a hand of each and tries to advise them as if her curls were once more hidden under a cap. ) You are so like little boys in a school. Do be good. Sit here beside me. I know you are very brave
BLADES. Ha!
PHOEBE. And when you come back from the wars it must be so delightful to you to flirt with the ladies again.
SPICER. Oh, ma'am.
PHOEBE. As soon as you see a lady with a pretty nose you cannot help saying that you adore her.
BLADES (in an ecstasy ). Nay, I swear.
PHOEBE. And you offer to her, not from love, but because you are so deficient in conversation.
SPICER. Charming, Miss Livvy.
PHOEBE (with sudden irritation ). Oh, sir, go away; go away, both of you, and read improving books.
(They are cast down. She has not been quite fair to these gallants, for it is not really of them she has grown weary so much as of the lady they temporarily adore. If MISS PHOEBE were to analyse her feelings she would find that her remark is addressed to LIVVY, and that it means, 'I have enjoyed for a little pretending to be you, but I am not you and I do not wish to be you. Your glitter and the airs of you and the racket of you tire me, I want to be done with you, and to be back in quiet Quality Street, of which I am a part; it is really pleasant to me to know that I shall wake up to-morrow slightly middle-aged.' With the entrance of CAPTAIN BROWN, however, she is at once a frivol again. He frowns at sight of her cavaliers. )
Gentlemen, I instructed this lady to rest, and I am surprised to find you in attendance. Miss Livvy, you must be weary of their fatuities, and I have taken the liberty to order your chaise.
PHOEBE. It is indeed a liberty.
BLADES. An outrage.
PHOEBE. I prefer to remain.
VALENTINE. Nay.
PHOEBE. I promised this dance to Ensign Blades.
SPICER. To me, ma'am.
PHOEBE. And the following one to Lieutenant Spicer. Mr. Blades, your arm.
VALENTINE. I forbid any further dancing.
PHOEBE. Forbid. La!
BLADES. Sir, by what right
VALENTINE. By a right which I hope to make clear to Miss Livvy as soon as you gentlemen have retired.
(PHOEBE sees that the declaration is coming. She steels herself. )
VALENTINE. I trust not.
PHOEBE. I give them my word.
(The young gentlemen retire, treading air once more . BROWN surveys her rather grimly. )
PHOEBE. La!
VALENTINE. It has somewhat diverted me to watch them go down before you. But I know you have a kind heart, and that if there be a rapier in your one hand there is a handkerchief in the other ready to staunch their wounds.
PHOEBE. I have not observed that they bled much.
VALENTINE. The Blades and the like, no. But one may, perhaps.
PHOEBE (obviously the reference is to himself ). Perhaps I may wish to see him bleed.
VALENTINE (grown stern ). For shame, Miss Livvy. (Anger rises in her, but she wishes him to proceed. ) I speak, ma'am, in the interests of the man to whom I hope to see you affianced.
(No, she does not wish him to proceed. She had esteemed him for so long, she cannot have him debase himself before her now.)
VALENTINE. Nay
PHOEBE. I beg you.
VALENTINE. No. We must have it out.
PHOEBE. Then if you must go on, do so. But remember I begged you to desist. Who is this happy man?
(His next words are a great shock to her.)
PHOEBE (in a low voice but bravely ). I see.
VALENTINE (afraid that he has hurt her ). It has been hard to say and I have done it bunglingly. Ah, but believe me, Miss Livvy, it is not the flaunting flower men love; it is the modest violet.
PHOEBE. The modest violet! You dare to say that.
VALENTINE. Yes, indeed, and when you are acquaint with what love really is
PHOEBE. Love! What do you know of love?
VALENTINE (a little complacently ). Why, ma'am, I know all about it. I am in love, Miss Livvy.