A niste job two on us had in Oxford-street, I think it was, one day. It was over a horinge chap as had been making an
obstruction in the busiest part o the thoroughfare. Wed been at him for about a week, arstin him civilly to drop it; for the vestry had been laying the case before the magistrate, and we had our orders. You see it was a good pitch; and this chap used to do a roaring bit o business, and of course it warnt pleasant to give it up; but then hed no call to be there, yer know, for he was interfering with the traffic; so in course we had to put a stop to it.
Well, yer know, it had come to that pitch at last that if he wouldnt go why we was to take him, and Dick Smith was the one that was in for it along with me. We neither on us liked it, for this was a civil-spoken chap in a suit o cords, a birds-eye handkercher, and a fur cap. Hed got a smart way, too, o doing his hair, which was black and turned under at the two sides afore his ears; and besides he was only trying to get a honest living; but dootys dooty, yer know, sir, and we aint got much chance o pickin and choosin. So I says to Dick, as we goes along
Now, then, Dick, I says, which is it to be, the cove or his barrer?
Oh! says Dick, Im blest if Im a-goin to wheel the barrer through the public streets. Look well for a pleece-constable in uniform, wouldnt it?
Well, I says, rather chuff, some ones got it to do, and I aint a-goin to have it shoved on to me. Tell yer what well do well toss up.
All right, says Dick, so we will.
So I fetches out a copper, the ony one we could furridge out between us, and to Dick I says, Now, then, sudden death?
Not a bit of it, says he, Ill go off lingerin best two out o three.
Werry well, I says, anything for peace and quietness. And so we tossed.
Heads, says Dick.
Woman it is, says I. One to me; and then I passes the brown over to Dick, and he spins up.
Lovely woman, says I, and lovely woman it was.
Blowed if here aint two Bobbies a tossin, says one o them niste boys as yer meets with in London.
Didnt I feel savage, though I had won; and for a moment I almost wished it had been that werry young gentleman as we had to take. But my boy gives a grin and a hop, skip, and a jump, and then cuts behind a gentlemans carriage as was passing, when the Johnny put out his foot and gave him a push, and down he goes into the mud; which was, of course, pleasant to our outraged feelings, though it would have taken a great deal of mud to spoil that boys clothes.
Now then, Dick, I says, lets be off.
Wots the hurry? says Dick, who was a thinking of the barrer, I could see.
Oh, come on, I says; for, thinks I to myself, youre on the right hand side of the way, my boy.
So off we goes, till we comes to the well-known spot, and there stood my chap, a-doing a raging trade.
Now then, young feller, I says, you must move on.
What for? says he.
Obstructing the thoroughfare, says I.
Taste em, he says, theyre fust-rate to-day. Shove two or three in yer pocket for the young Bobbies.
Wont do, I says; weve got our orders, and off yer goes.
Get out, he says, youre chaffin.
Not a bit of it, I says; so stow nonsense and go on quietly, theres a good feller.
All right, he says, seeing as we was serious, all right. And then he sells a horinge to this one, and a horinge to that one, and sixpennorth to another one; but not a hinch would he move. So we waits a bit, and then I gives him another gentle hint or two.
All right, he says agin, wait a bit.
Well, yer knows, sir, this went on for about half an hour, and a crowd gets collected, and every time as I speaks to him, All right, he says, wait a bit, and then the crowd laughed and the boys hoorayed.
I thinks to myself This here wont do, but neither Dick nor me wanted to begin, so I has one last try, and I says quietly,
Now, are you a-goin or not? Becos if you aint we must make yer.
All right, he says, wait a bit, and the people bust out a laughin again, and the crowd gets bigger than ever.
Now, then, Dick, I says to my mate, come on, for I see as it was no use to be played with any longer.
So Dick goes to the barrer, and I collars the chap, and the row began. Dick lays hold o the barrer handles quite savagely, and shoots a dozen o horinges off inter the road, when, of course, there was a regular scramble, and somebody calls out Shame! Then my chap takes and throws hisself down, and gives my wrist such a screw as amost sprained it, and then somebody else calls out Shame!
Now youd better come on quietly, I says to my chap. Youll do no good by making a row. And then I tries to get him up on his legs, when some one calls out Shame! agin.
Whats a shame? I says,
which I didnt oughter have done, for I knew my dooty better than they could tell me. Howsoever I says it, Whats a shame? I says.
Ill usin a honest man, says the crowd.
I sees as it was no use to talk, so I gets well hold o my chap, and seeing, as he did, as his barrer was a moving off with Dick in the sharps, and the boys a hoorayin, he gets up, and we was goin on all right, when some on em calls out Shame! again, and that sets the chap off, and he throws hisself down, and, wuss luck, throws me down too, when off goes my box, and in the scuffle my gent jumps up, puts his foot on it, and nearly gets away.