R. 9. The Rule of Risibility. A man must be the first that laughs at his own pun; as Martial advises:
Miss-Chief, the ringleader.Miss-Advice, that spoils her face with paint.
Miss-Rule, that does every thing she is forbid.
Miss-Application, who has not done one letter in her sampler.
Miss-Belief, who cannot say the Creed yet.
Miss-Call, a perfect Billingsgate.
Miss-Fortune, that lost her grandmother's needle.
Miss-Chance, that broke her leg by romping.
Miss-Guide, that led the young misses into the dirt.
Miss-Lay'd, who left her porringer of flour and milk where the cat got at it.
Miss-Management, that let all her stockings run out at heels for want of darning.
For which I sent the following masters:
Master-Stroke, to whip them.
Master-Workman, to dress them.
Master-Ship, to rig them.
Master-Lye, to excuse them.
Master-Wort, to purge them.
Master-Piece, to patch them.
Master-Key, to lock them up.
Master-Pock, to mortify them.
R. 12. The Elementary Rule. Keep to your elements , whether you have fish , fowl , or flesh , for dinner: As for instance, Is not this fish which Mr. Pool sent me, ex-stream sweet? I think it is main good, what say you? O' my sole , I never tasted better, and I think it ought to take plaice of any that swims : though you may carp at me for saying so, I can assure you that both Dr. Spratt and Dr. Whaley are
but you are plaguy weak in your mainspring for punning; I would advise you to get a better stock , before you pretend to let off : though you may think yourself prime in this art, you are much mistaken, for a very young beginner may be a match for you. Ay, sir, you may cock and look big; but, u-pan my word, I take you to be no more than a flash ; and Mrs. Skin-flint , my neighbour, shall pun with you for a pistole , if I do not lose my aim , &c.'
R. 19. The Rule of Challenge. As for instance, when you have conned over in your mind a chain of puns, you surprise the best punner in company, after this manner: 'Say Tan-pit , if you dare.'
R. 20. The Sanguine Rule allows you to swear a man out of his pun, and prove yourself the author of it; as Dr. S served Capt. W , who was told how a slater , working at his house, fell through all the rafters from top to bottom, and that upon this accident he said, 'He loved to see a man go cleverly through his work .' 'That is mine, by ,' said the Doctor.
R. 21. The Rule of Concatenation is making a string of puns as fast as you can, that nobody else can put in a word till you have exhausted the subject; ex. gr. There was one John Appleby , a gardener , fell in love with one Mrs. Curran , for her cherrycheeks and her lily white hand; and soon after he got her consent to graft upon her stock . Mr. Link the parson was sent for, who joined the loving pair together; Mr. Rowintree and Mr. Holy-oak were bride-men. The company were, my lady Joan Keel , who came-a-mile on foot to compliment them; and her maid Sally , remarkable for her carrots , that rid upon a chestnut . There was Dr. Burrage too, a constant medlar in other people's affairs. He was lately im-peach'd for murdering Don Quick-set . Mrs. Lettice Skirret and Mrs. Rose-merry were the bride-maids; the latter sang a song to oblige the company, which an arch wag called a funeral dirge: but, notwithstanding this, our friend John began to thrive upon matrimony like a twig in a bush . I forgot to tell you, that the tailor had so much cabbage out of the wedding suit, there was none at all for supper.
R. 22. The Rule of Inoculating is, when a person makes an excellent pun, and you immediately fix another upon it; as Dean Swift one day said to a gentleman, who had a very little bob wig, 'Sir, the dam of your wig is a whisker ;' upon which I came in very à propos , and said, 'Sir, that cannot be, for it is but an ear-wig .'
R. 23. The Rule of Desertion allows you to bring a man into a pun, and leave him to work it out: as, suppose you should hear a man say the word incomparable Then you proceed, in-com-incom-par-par-rable-rable So let the other make his best of it.
R. 24. The Salick Rule is, a pretence to a jumping of wits: that is, when a man has made a good pun, the other swears with a pun he was just coming out with it. One night, I remember, Mr. served Dr. so. The former saying over a bottle, 'Will, I am for my mistress here.' 'How so?' says Tom. 'Why, I am for Wine-if-red .' 'By this crooked stick ,' said Tom, 'I was coming out with it.'
R. 25. The Etymological Rule is, when a man hunts a pun through every letter and syllable of a word: as for example, I am asked, 'What is the best word to spend an evening with?' I answered, 'Potatos ; for there is po pot pota potat potato , and the reverse sot-a-top .'