Jones Susan Morrow - A Girl of the North. A Story of London and Canada стр 7.

The triumphant whistler gazed incredulously at her. He found her irresponsive, so he left her alone, and went to get a whisky and soda. No doubt the poor girl was feeling sick. She would not argue about anticipation and realisation, or time and love. She seemed so cold. He could imagine her sailing on through life alone. She evidently did not care for men; anyhow she did not encourage him.

Launa was occupied with her thoughts. She was trying to seal up her life as if it were a book and could be put away. The long, uneventful days were good for reflection, but they were trying and full of remorse and regret.

I am young, she said to herself; only nineteen, and I will forget, said her mind, and I wish for Paul, said her heart, which was like the ships engines an essential part of movement and life.

Hearts, she said to the young man with anticipations, when he returned, are only necessary to ones being as the engines are to a steamer.

She considered herself very wise.

You are so young, he answered, wondering why she should mention her heart.

Just then Mr. Archer appeared at the companion door to breathe the air. He was writing a paper on the intestines of salmon and grayling. The young man turned to him and said:

Miss Archer compares our hearts to the engines.

A very good way, murmured the father.

The young man left them and went to play poker; they were an unsuitable pair. Mr. Archer came over to Launa, who turned quickly to him.

Father, I heard you talking to Mrs. Montmorency that day on the Lethe about Mr. Harvey was it true?

Mr. Archer frowned.

What did you hear?

Something about a squaw and a child.

It was quite true about the squaw and the child, he answered slowly.

Ah! she exclaimed with a little gasp. Then a man can think of two women at the same time.

Then he turned and looked at her.

Men are very brutal.

You said he was thinking of marriage?

He is.

She turned her face away from him, for his kind, penetrating look hurt her, and just then she needed him to be cross to her.

Why do you ask me these questions, child?

Because it seemed so strange to me I could not understand him.

Merely strange and not brutal? Nothing to you? Well, you hardly knew him, Launa.

Nothing to me, she repeated, and her father returned to his writing.

The young man with anticipations saw his departure, and hastened to talk to Launa. He was singularly anxious to realise the pleasure of Miss Archers society; she was quite original.

You look pale, he said, with solicitude.

Do I?

And worried. As if someone were dead.

Some one is dead.

Relations of yours? Cheer up. Wait until you get to London.

And then?

Then? Oh, you can have a good time. You can have the best of good times in London the very best and forget everything disagreeable, too. I give you my word, it is just like morphia. When I am in a hole, and feel down on my luck, I go to town.

Is that the fog? I think I should not like the after effect of morphia.

Fog? he asked. No, it isnt fog, and yet it is fog, too; it deadens the brain. When someone threw me over, you bet I felt bad. I went up to town and forgot for a week. I did, really.

A week! It lost its effect in a week, so quickly?

Well, she wrote then and forgave me, and I hadnt done anything wrong; she flirted. But she took me back, and I just licked her boots.

But suppose she had not taken you back?

Then I should have lived and forgotten her; Im hanged if I wouldnt, he said, with energy. Life does it.

Life?  you mean time.

I mean living it down.

But suppose you could not forget? Suppose you were so fond that you thought of her always?

I would forget. I mean Well, I couldnt, you know, he said, and laughed. Now Ive got her, you see, and dont need to try. I do not mind telling you you seem so interested, and are so sympathetic to-day that I only forgot her when it was noisy and all that. But when I was alone and quiet at night, you know I was miserable. You have nothing like that to worry you, Miss Archer? It is very kind of you to take so much interest in my trouble. You wont think of your relations when you get to town. Are they in Canada?

Yes.

And one died a girl, I suppose? And the others want to interfere with you; they want you to be dull because they are? Relations always do that. Now, I have an aunt shes a caution; she thinks I ought not to marry. But I would not stand that. Have you any aunts in town?

No. My father has a cousin; Mrs. Carden is her name.

She wont bother you, I expect. You are lucky. Your father adores you. You have plenty of money, and are young. My Aunt Maria is a Oh, the very deuce.

Here he launched forth into anecdotes of his relations, and Launa murmured a polite accompaniment to his reminiscences until the bell rang for dinner.

Well meet after dinner, wont we, and finish our talk? Its very jolly, he said. You have such a nice voice, too.

You have done me a great deal of good, she answered. Time is all one wants.

And life, amusement, and love, he added softly, with a glance at her, which, considering the state of his feelings for another lady, was unnecessarily kind.

Leave out love, she answered. I am hungry.

On deck after dinner when he looked for her she was not to be seen, so he concluded she was tired and had gone to bed, wherefore he played poker.

But Launa was not tired. She had hidden from him. His talks about his Aunt Maria had no interest for her, except when she regarded them as a narcotic, and then his musings were soothing. That evening she wanted to think and to be alone.

Her father had insisted on her drinking champagne at dinner. Mr. Archer said a voyage was exhausting, and he looked weary. He had not recovered from the surprise which his daughters questions had produced. Were they caused merely by curiosity the curiosity of an ignorant girl or by interest? Curiosity is merely an inheritance from Eve; interest is the first instinct towards a man when a woman loves him or is going to love him.

Launa must drink champagne to-night, he decided. And soon we shall be in London. But why did she ask those curious questions?

Launa took some cushions and rugs and went forward behind the boats. The steamer was surging on, the wind was rising, and the waves were breaking below with big white heads of foam. She began to think; she drew a picture of it all for herself in her mind and called herself a fool. Suppose Paul were there on the steamer, suppose he came to her with love in his eyes, and he were hers for the time and that was it, that was what hurt for the time, perhaps only for a time. Would she be willing to take him at the price of another womans shame? And to know and to remember what was between her and him, like a bar, or a hand the warm soft hand of a woman! No, it was over. She would shut up the book. Paul was dead, her Paul, the Paul she loved she would think of him as she did of her dead mother sometimes. But her mother was with the angels, and Paul was alive. She shivered a little; it was cold and damp, and the swirl of the waves as the steamer rushed through them was cruel.

She resolved to begin again, to rub out the writing of the first episode of life such a new book to her and to make the page ready for London and fresh impressions.