3
That same day I was to go and see Efim Zvyerev, one of my old schoolfellows at the grammar school, who had gone to a special college in Petersburg. He is not worth describing, and I was not on particularly friendly terms with him; but I looked him up in Petersburg. He might (through various circumstances which again are not worth relating) be able to give me the address of a man called Kraft, whom it was very important for me to see as soon as he returned from Vilna. Efim was expecting him that day or the next, as he had let me know two days before. I had to go to the Petersburg Side, but I did not feel tired.
I found Efim (who was also nineteen) in the yard of his aunts house, where he was staying for the time. He had just had dinner and was walking about the yard on stilts. He told me at once that Kraft had arrived the day before, and was staying at his old lodgings close by, and that he was anxious to see me as soon as possible, as he had something important to tell me.
Hes going off somewhere again, added Efim.
As in the present circumstances it was of great importance to see Kraft I asked Efim to take me round at once to his lodging, which it appeared was in a back street only a few steps away. But Efim told me that he had met him an hour ago and that he was on his way to Dergatchevs.
But come along to Dergatchevs. Why do you always cry off? Are you afraid?
Kraft might as a fact stay on at Dergatchevs, and in that case where could I wait for him? I was not afraid of going to Dergatchevs, but I did not want to go to his house, though Efim had tried to get me there three times already. And on each occasion had asked Are you afraid? with a very nasty smile at my expense. It was not a case of fear I must state at once; if I was afraid it was of something quite different. This time I made up my mind to go. Dergatchevs, too, was only a few steps away. On the way I asked Efim if he still meant to run away to America.
Maybe I shall wait a bit, he answered with a faint smile.
I was not particularly fond of him; in fact I did not like him at all. He had fair hair, and a full face of an excessive fairness, an almost unseemly childish fairness, yet he was taller than I was, but he would never have been taken for more than seventeen. I had nothing to talk to him about.
Whats going on there? Is there always a crowd? I asked.
But why are you always so frightened? he laughed again.
Go to hell! I said, getting angry.
There wont be a crowd at all. Only friends come, and theyre all his own set. Dont worry yourself.
But what the devil is it to me whether theyre his set or not! Im not one of his set. How can they be sure of me?
I am bringing you and thats enough. Theyve heard of you already. Kraft can answer for you, too.
I say, will Vassin be there?
I dont know.
If he is, give me a poke and point him out as soon as we go in. As soon as we go in. Do you hear?
I had heard a good deal about Vassin already, and had long been interested in him.
Dergatchev lived in a little lodge in the courtyard of a wooden house belonging to a merchants wife, but he occupied the whole of it. There were only three living rooms. All the four windows had the blinds drawn down. He was a mechanical engineer, and did work in Petersburg. I had heard casually that he had got a good private berth in the provinces, and that he was just going away to it.
As soon as we stepped into the tiny entry we heard voices. There seemed to be a heated argument and some one shouted:
Quae medicamenta non sanant, ferrum sanat, quae ferrum non sanat ignis sanat!
I certainly was in some uneasiness. I was, of course, not accustomed to society of any kind. At school I had been on familiar terms with my schoolfellows, but I was scarcely friends with anyone; I made a little corner for myself and lived in it. But this was not what disturbed me. In any case I vowed not to let myself be drawn into argument and to say nothing beyond what was necessary, so that no one could draw
any conclusions about me; above all to avoid argument.
In the room, which was really too small, there were seven men; counting the ladies, ten persons. Dergatchev was five-and-twenty, and was married. His wife had a sister and another female relation, who lived with them. The room was furnished after a fashion, sufficiently though, and was even tidy. There was a lithographed portrait on the wall, but a very cheap one; in the corner there was an ikon without a setting, but with a lamp burning before it.
Dergatchev came up to me, shook hands and asked me to sit down.
Sit down; theyre all our own set here.
Youre very welcome, a rather nice-looking, modestly dressed young woman added immediately, and making me a slight bow she at once went out of the room. This was his wife, and she, too, seemed to have been taking part in the discussion, and went away to nurse the baby. But there were two other ladies left in the room; one very short girl of about twenty, wearing a black dress, also rather nice-looking, and the other a thin, keen-eyed lady of thirty. They sat listening eagerly, but not taking part in the conversation. All the men were standing except Kraft, Vassin and me. Efim pointed them out to me at once, for I had never seen Kraft before, either. I got up and went up to make their acquaintance. Krafts face I shall never forget. There was no particular beauty about it, but a positive excess of mildness and delicacy, though personal dignity was conspicuous in everything about him. He was twenty-six, rather thin, above medium height, fair-haired, with an earnest but soft face; there was a peculiar gentleness about his whole personality. And yet if I were asked I would not have changed my own, possibly very commonplace, countenance for his, which struck me as so attractive. There was something in his face I should not have cared to have in mine, too marked a calm (in a moral sense) and something like a secret, unconscious pride. But I probably could not have actually formed this judgment at the time. It seems so to me now, in the light of later events.