If they have something somewhere, Susan said. If they are loved at home. If they have a circle of friends. But if its no good at home and its no good at school Goddamn it.
No place to hide, I said.
No place.
Any theories why people are such jerks about it? I said.
Susan shrugged.
Nature of the beast, she said.
There is a high jerk count among the general populace, I said. Present company, of course, excluded.
Four girls from Radcliffe went past us in various stages of undress. They all talked in that fast, slightly nasal way that well-bred young women talked around here.
Living in a college town is not a bad thing, I said.
Susan watched silently as the girls passed. She sipped her martini. I could hear her breathing.
We are both in a business, I said, where we lose people.
I know.
A wise therapist once told me that you cant really protect anyone, that sooner or later they have to protect themselves.
Did I say that?
Yes.
After you lost Candy Sloan?
Yes.
I am wise.
Good-looking, too, I said.
But god-damn it she said.
Doesnt mean you cant feel bad when you lose one.
Susan nodded.
Go ahead, I said. Feel bad.
Susan nodded again.
Ive been fighting it, she said.
And losing, I said.
Yes.
Give in to it. Feel as bad as you have to feel. Then get over it.
Susan stared at me for a while. Then she put her head against my shoulder. We sat for a time watching the street traffic. I listened to her breathing.
That what you do?
Yes.
Even after Candy Sloan?
Yes.
She fished another olive from the jar and
put it in her martini. She had already drunk nearly a fifth of it.
And, I said, theres always you and me.
I know.
A squirrel ran along Susans front fence and up a fat oak tree and disappeared into the thick foliage. Pearl followed it with her eyes but didnt raise her head.
Youre a good therapist, Susan said after a while.
Yes, I am, I said. Maybe we should open a joint practice.
With her head still against my shoulder Susan patted my thigh.
Maybe not, Susan said.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
It took me three days to boil the class lists down to people I could locate, and another two days to find people on that list who remembered Mary Toricelli. One of them was a woman named Jamie Deluca, who tended bar at a place on Friend Street, near the Fleet Center.
I went in to see her at 3:15 in the afternoon when the lunch crowd had left and the early cocktail group had not yet arrived. Jamie drew me a draft beer and placed it on a napkin in front of me.
I didnt really know her very good, Jamie said. Mary was really kind of a phantom.
Jamie had short blond hair and a lot of eye makeup. She was wearing black pants and a white shirt with the cuffs turned back.
What kind of a phantom? I said.
Well, you know. You didnt see much of her. She wasnt popular or anything. She just come to class and go home.
Sisters or brothers?
I dont think so.
While she talked Jamie sliced the skin off whole lemons. I wondered if the object was to harvest the skin, or the skinless lemon. I decided that asking would be a needless distraction, and I had the sense that Jamie would find too much distraction daunting.
Parents?
Sure, of course. Jamie looked as if it was the dumbest question shed ever heard. She lived with her mother.
Father?
I dont know. When I knew her there wasnt no father around.
Her mother still live in Franklin? I said.
I dont know.
Her mothers name is Toricelli.
Sure. I guess so.
Whod Mary hang out with? I said.
Most of the time she didnt hang with anybody, Jamie said. She didnt have a bunch of friends. Just some of the burnouts.
Burnouts?
Yeah. You know, druggies, dropouts, the dregs.
Remember anybody?
Yeah. Roy Levesque. He was like her boyfriend. And, ah, Tammy, and Pike, and Joey Bucci I dont know some of those kids. I think she just hung with them because she didnt have no other friends.
Got any last names for Tammy and Pike?
Pike is a last name. Its a guy. I dont even remember his first name. Everybody called him Pike.
How about Tammy?
Wagner, I think. Tammy Wagner. Kids used to call her Wags.
You know where they are?
No. I moved in with my boyfriend soon as I graduated. Pretty much lost touch with the kids I knew.
Boyfriend from Franklin?
No. Brockton. I met him at a club. He didnt last.
Sorry to hear that.
Its all right, he was a loser anyway.
Lot of them around, I said, just to be saying something.
Least he didnt knock me up, she said.
I nodded as I was glad about that, too.
What was Mary like, I said. Was she smart in school?
No. She was pretty dumb. Kids made fun of her. Teachers, too, sometimes.
She ever get in trouble?
Jamie shook her head and smiled.
She was too boring to get in trouble, Jamie said.
The early cocktail crowd was beginning to drift in. The demands on Jamie made it harder to talk with her.
Anything else you can tell me about Mary? I said. Anything unusual?
Down the bar a guy was gesturing to Jamie. He had on a black shirt with the collar worn out over the lapels of his pearl gray suit.