As she remembered the final gasp of Alicias life, recalled her sisters blood on her face and her chest, she felt Jesse squeeze her hand more tightly.
The warmth of his touch met up with the coldness of her grief, creating a tumultuous tornado of emotions she could no longer contain.
Deep sobs tore through her as her heart constricted with a pain so great, she thought she might die from it. It was the grief of lossand the guilt of survival.
She had pushed her emotions aside for weeks, focusing on the loss of her sight rather than confront the overwhelming pain of the loss of her family. Now that pain riveted through her like a hot poker stabbing her heart, searing her soul.
She was vaguely aware of Jesse removing his hand from hers. Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she was making a spectacle of herself and probably alienating Jesse, but she could no more stop the grief than she could go back and stop the bullets that had ripped her life apart.
In his years as sheriff, Jesse had faced many things, including drunk men with guns, a scared teenage bank robber and a vicious rabid dog, but nothing in his years of experience prepared him for dealing with her tears.
Helplessly he watched her fall apart, aware that nothing he could say would possibly comfort or touch the deep anguish that obviously pummeled her. His heart ached for her.
As Cecilias sobs grew deeper, more harsh, he stood. Not knowing if he was right or wrong, he touched her shoulder then pulled her out of her chair and into his arms.
She came to him willingly, as if needing to be held. She wrapped her arms
around his neck and hid her face in the center of his chest as she wept uncontrollably.
Jesse rubbed a hand down her back and tried to ignore how sweet she smelled, the intimacy of her body pressed so tightly against his. Its all right. Youre safe now, he whispered as he patted her back.
Beneath the comforting press of her breasts against his chest, he could feel the beating of her heart. He continued to soothe her with soft words, at the same time patting her back in a rhythmic cadence that mirrored the pace of her heartbeats.
Finally her sobs began to ease, but still she clung to him as if he were a lifeline in a sea of tears. Jesse felt her heartbeat slow, returning to a more normal pace. Her weeping halted altogether, but still she remained in the circle of his arms.
She raised her head, as if to look at him. Her lashes were still damp, long dark spikes that emphasized the beauty of her eyes despite their slight redness. Thank you, she whispered with a tremulous smile. That had been building for a while.
Tears are supposed to be cathartic, he replied. You want to talk about it some more? he asked. He wished shed move away as he felt himself responding in a decidedly unwanted way. But she remained unmoving, her lower body still pressed against his.
In a minute. What Id like to do right now Id like to know what you look like. She removed her arms from around his neck and instead placed a hand on either side of his face. I can only see you through touch. Do you mind?
Before he could reply, her fingertips moved across his forehead, down the bridge of his nose, then across his eyes. Slowly, deliberately, her cool fingers explored the contours of his face, each touch evoking heat inside him.
What color are your eyes? she asked, her breath warm on his face. He realized his heart was now beating a rhythm faster than normal.
Blue.
She nodded, and continued her exploration of his facial features. Slowly, methodically, her hands continued to work.
When her fingers danced across his lips, he fought an impulse to open his mouth and kiss her fingertips. He breathed in relief when she moved to his hair.
Black, he said, answering the question before she could verbalize it.
Thank you, she said, and finally stepped back from him. Im sorry about ruining your breakfast.
You didnt ruin anything, he replied. Id already finished my omelet when you got upset. So, you want to talk? You dont have to, he added hurriedly. Its not imperative that you tell me anything. I understand if you dont trust me.
Trust you? She smiled ruefully. If I cant trust you, then Im utterly lost. Id like you to know what happened. I think maybe I need to talk about it.
Why dont we go into the living room? he suggested. In there he could gain enough distance from her that he wouldnt be able to smell her sweet fragrance. Physical distance would provide emotional distance, and at the moment thats exactly what he needed.
In the living room, she sat on the sofa and Jesse sank into the chair facing her. He watched the emotions that played across her face as she rubbed her forehead and prepared to share with him the events that had destroyed life as she knew it.
It wasnt unusual for me to spend the evening with my sister, Alicia, and her husband, John. She placed her hands in her lap, her fingers laced together. Her knuckles were slightly whitened by the tension that held her unnaturally stiff. This particular night was like a hundred others, except that instead of driving my car to their place, I took a cab.