busy gossiping to notice.
Jack gay? Jack gay?
That's why he didn't kiss me goodnight. He only wants me to be a friend. He'll introduce me
to Sven and I'll have to pretend to be all cool with it, like I knew all along-
'Is Jack Harper gay?' Caroline is saying in astonishment.
'I just assumed he was,' says Amy with a shrug. 'He looks gay, don't you think?'
'Not really,' says Caroline, screwing up her face. 'Not groomed enough.'
'I don't think he looks gay!' I say, trying to sound light-hearted and just kind of vaguely
interested.
'He's not gay,' chimes in Artemis authoritatively. 'I read a old profile of him in Newsweek , and
he was dating the female president of Origin Software. And it said before that he went out
with some supermodel.'
A huge surge of relief floods through me.
I knew he wasn't gay. Obviously I knew he wasn't gay-
Honestly, do these people have nothing better to do than engage in stupid mindless
speculation about people they don't know?
'So is Jack seeing anyone at the moment?'
'Who knows?'
'He's pretty sexy, don't you think?' says Caroline with a wicked grin. 'I wouldn't mind.'
'Yeah right,' says Nick. 'You probably wouldn't mind his private jet, either.'
'Apparently, he hasn't had a relationship since Pete Laidler died,' says Artemis crisply. 'So I
doubt you've got much of a chance.'
'Bad luck, Caroline,' says Nick, with a laugh.
I feel really uncomfortable, listening to this. Maybe I should leave the room until they've
stopped. But then, maybe that would draw attention to myself.
Just for an instant, I find myself imagining
what would happen if I stood up and said,
'Actually I had dinner with Jack Harper last night.' They'd all stare at me, dumbfounded, and
maybe somebody would gasp, and
Oh, who am I kidding? They wouldn't even believe me, would they? They'd say I was
suffering from delusions.
'Hi, Connor,' comes Caroline's voice, interrupting my thoughts.
Connor? My head jerks up in slight dismay. And there he is, with no warning, approaching
my desk with a wounded look on his face.
What's he doing here?
Has he found out about me and Jack?
My heart starts to thump hard and I nervously push my hair back. I've spotted him a couple of
times around the building, but this is our first moment face to face, since we broke up.
'Hi,' he says.
'Hi,' I reply awkwardly, and there's silence.
Suddenly I notice my unfinished list of date ideas lying prominently on my desk. Shit. As
casually as possible I reach for it, screw it up and nonchalantly drop it in the bin.
All the gossip about Sven and Jack has petered out. I know everyone in the office is listening
to us, even if they're pretending to be doing something else. It's like we're the in-house soap
opera or something.
And I know which character I am. I'm the heartless bitch who chucked her lovely, decent man
for no good reason.
Oh God. The thing is, I do feel guilty, I really do. Every time I see Connor, or even think
about him, I get a horrible tight feeling in my chest. But does he have to have such an
expression of injured dignity on his face? A kind of you've-mortally-wounded-me-but-I'msuch-
a-good-person-I-forgive-you look.
I can feel my guilt ebbing away and annoyance starting to ebb in.
'I only came up,' says Connor at last, 'because I'd put us down to do a stint on the Pimm's stall
together at the Corporate Family Day. Obviously when I did so, I thought we'd be-', He
breaks off, looking more wounded than ever. 'Anyway. But I don't mind going through with it.
If you don't.'
I'm not going to be the one to say I can't bear to stand next to him for half an hour.
'I don't mind!' I say.
'Fine.'
'Fine.'
There's another awkward pause.
'I found your blue shirt, by the way,' I say, with a tiny shrug. 'I'll bring it in.'
'Thanks. I think I've got some stuff of yours, too'
'Hey,' says Nick, coming over towards us with a wicked, eyes gleaming, let's-shit-stir
expression. 'I saw you with someone last night.'
My heart gives a huge, terrified bound. Fuck! Fuck fuck OK OK It's OK. He's not
looking at me. He's looking at Connor.
Who the hell'was Connor with?
'That was just a friend,' says Connor stiffly.
'Are you sure?' says Nick. 'You looked pretty friendly to me.'
'Shut up, Nick,' says Connor, looking pained. 'It's far too early to be thinking of moving on.
Isn't it, Emma?'
'Er yes.' I swallow several times. 'Absolutely. Definitely.'
Oh God.
Anyway. Never mind. I'm not going to worry about Connor. I have an important date to think
about. And thank goodness, by the end of the day I have at last come up with the perfect
venue. In fact I'm amazed I didn't think of it before! There is one tiny little hitch but I'll
easily overcome it.
Sure enough, it only takes me about half an hour to persuade Lissy that when they said 'The
key shall in no circumstances be transferred to any non-member' in the rules, they didn't really
mean it. At last she reaches into her bag and hands it to me, an anxious expression on her face.