He was trying to cope with memories that were killing him. Sara reminded him too much of things he only wanted to forget. He cursed under his breath in Farsi, got to his feet and walked out of the theater. The blonde woman looked at Sara with a grimace, as if she wanted to explain, to apologize. Then she just smiled sadly and followed him out.
* * *
THAT TORMENTED LOOK on Wolf Pattersons face haunted Sara for the rest of the week. She couldnt get it out of her mind. Hed stared at her as if he hated her in those few seconds. She began to realize that it wasnt necessarily her whom he hated. Perhaps it was someone she reminded him of. She smiled sadly to herself. Just her luck, to feel the stirrings of attraction to a man for the first time in her life, and have him turn out to be someone who hated her because she reminded him of another woman. An old flame, perhaps, someone hed loved and lost.
Well, it was hopeless to look in that direction anyway, she consoled herself. Shed only really been alone with him once, and look how shed embarrassed herself when he came too close. She still flushed, remembering how shed run from him after her flat tire. He wouldnt understand why shed reacted that way. And she couldnt tell him.
* * *
SHE CLIMBED INTO her pajamas late that night and pulled up her game on the computer, setting the laptop on a board across her lap as she propped up in bed.
Her friend was on. Hi, she whispered.
Hi, he whispered back.
He was usually more wordy than that. In the middle of something? she queried.
No. Bad memories, he said after a minute.
I know all about that, she wrote sadly.
There was a brief pause. Want to talk about it? he asked.
She smiled to herself. Talking doesnt help. How about a battleground?
He wrote lol on the screen, invited her to a group and queued them for a battleground.
Why does life have to be so hard? she wrote while they waited.
I dont know.
I cant get away from the past, she wrote. She couldnt tell him everything, but she could talk a little. He was the only real friend she had. Lisette was kind and sweet, but she had so little free time just to talk.
Neither can I, he wrote after a minute. Do you have nightmares? he asked suddenly.
She grimaced and wrote, All the time.
Me, too. There was a hesitation. Damaged people, he wrote.
Yes.
Holding each other together, he added, with another lol.
She returned
the laugh, and smiled to herself. BRB, she wrote, gamers slang for be right back. I need coffee.
Good idea. Ill make some and email you a cup, he wrote.
She chuckled to herself. He was good company. She wondered who he was in real life, if he was a man or a woman or even a child. Whatever, it was nice to have someone to talk to, even if they only talked in single syllables.
He was back before the queue popped. We should get one of those chat programs like Ventriloquist, he commented, so that we can talk instead of type.
Her heart almost stopped. No.
Why?
She bit her lower lip. How could she tell him that it would interfere with the fantasy if she brought real life into it? That she didnt want to know if he was young or old or female.
Youre frightened, he wrote.
She hesitated, her hands over the keyboard. Yes.
I see.
No, you dont, she replied. I have a hard time with people. With most people. I dont... I dont like letting people get close to me.
Join the club.
So in a game, its sort of different, she tried to explain.
Yes. There was a hesitation. Are you female?
Yes.
Young?
Yes. She paused. Are you male?
There was no hesitation at all. Definitely.
She hesitated again. Married?
No. And never likely to be. Another pause. You?
No. And never likely to be, she replied, adding a smile.
Do you work?
And now, time for the lies. I cut hair, she lied. What do you do?
There was a hesitation. Dangerous things.
Her heart skipped. Law enforcement? she typed.
There was a howl of laughter. How did you get there?
I dont know. You seem very honest. You never try to ninja the loot when we do dungeons. Youll stop to help other players if they get in trouble. Youre forever using in-game skills to make things for lower level players. Stuff like that.
There was a long hesitation. Youre describing yourself, as well.
She smiled to herself. Thanks.
Damaged people, he mused. Holding each other together.
She nodded. She typed, It feels...sort of nice.
Doesnt it?
There was a new warmth in the screen. Of course, they could both be lying. She didnt work, she didnt have to, and he might not be in law enforcement. But it didnt matter, since they were never likely to meet in person. She wouldnt dare try. Shed had too many false starts in her young life, trying to escape the past. She would never be able to do it. This was all she could hope fora relationship online with a man who might not even like her in the real world. But it was strangely almost enough.
Time to go, he said, as the Join Battle tag came up.
After you, she typed back. Which was a joke; since they were a group, they entered together.
* * *
SHE WAS SITTING in the park, feeding the pigeons. It was a stupid thing to do, the birds were a nuisance. But she had bread left over from a solitary lunch, and the birds were comfortable, cooing around her feet as she scattered crumbs.