I said no.
Did I know him pretty well? No, but.
But what? she asked.
Well, he told me I was smart. I mean, I think he liked me. She looked at me like she didnt understand what I was saying. Then she thanked me, and said she would call if she needed more information.
She never called. The Latino
guy, Richard Alvaro, was arrested. Ronny died. I didnt get invited to the funeral. Nobody knew that I was the last person he had talked to.
I worked at Lockheed for the rest of the summer. I didnt draw anymore. My parents could tell I was sad, but I couldnt tell them why. I couldnt even tell Jamie. I didnt do much but watch the moon. It floated there, on the films, reverberant. I began picturing Ronnys face in the moon. My face was there too and he was kissing me. Whenever there was a scratch on the film it would pull me out of the daydream, and I would mark it down.
American History
Then the other day in tenth-grade American History, Mr. Hurston was teaching us about slavery and we had to act out a mock debate between the slave states and the free states. I played Mississippi, and I had to pretend that I wanted slavery to remain legal. Me and the other four slave state guys sat on one side of the room and faced the five kids from the free states. The rest of the class watched us with dull stares.
Im not the most outgoing person, but no one was really saying anything. So I started it off.
We need the blacks to be slaves because this country would fall apart without them.
Jerry Holtz represented New York and the good side. Jerry was handsome and good and a good soccer player. His hair was short in a crew cut and looked just right.
Look, he said. We dont want to cause any problems with you slave states, but the country can survive without slavery nowadays. Weve established ourselves apart from England, and new industry is taking the country to new levels.
That may be all fine and dandy for you, I said. I was getting into it a little. But we Southern states depend on slave labor to run our plantations. Its been done this way since the beginning, and there is no reason to change now.
Then it was funny; something happened. Stephen Gary got really mad.
What are you people saying? he said. Its wrong! Its dead wrong. I cant believe youre talking about it so calmly like this! Stephen was playing Massachusetts, and he sat next to Jerry. His outburst was a shock to everyone. Stephens face was flushed, and his eyes were big. He looked mad and like he was going to cry at the same time. Mr. Hurstons face was blank and he stared into the back wall. I looked to the other students. Some were interested in the debate now. Lewis, the only black kid in class, had a blank look on his face too. Stacey, the prettiest girl in class, was picking a scab off the back of her hand.
My slave state partners didnt say anything so I spoke up again.
It is not wrong, I said to Stephen as calmly as possible. I was being real rational. It is our God-given right as white Americans to own slaves because we are a superior race.
Stephens big eyes got bigger, and his mouth became a black hole. He stood like that and no one said anything. Everyone was waiting. Good Jerry had begun to speak again when Stephen jumped up from his seat, his belly shaking like a water bed. He was screaming.
You racists! Ray-sists! No wonder Hitler killed all the Jews, because youre all a bunch of racists!
In general, Stephen was an idiot. He didnt have many friends. He wasnt handsome, he didnt play sports, and he was really quiet. But more than that, he was just strangethe way he picked food from his braces in class and left the little colored bits on his desktop, or like when he told Mrs. Steinbach that he wouldnt read The Picture of Dorian Gray because gay people were goblins who stole children to use in sacrifices. But usually he didnt say much.
The class was very interested in the debate now. Ivan and John were laughing silently in the corner. Stacey had stopped picking her scab and looked from Stephen to me.
I said, I think that that is a pretty racist statement in itself. And I dont really know how it applies, especially because Im not Jewish, but I think its the wrong century.
Mr. Hurston broke off his stare and landed back on earth for a second.
Yes, Stephen, you cant say that because its a hundred years past the time were depicting here.
Hitler is timeless! screeched Stephen. Now he was crying. Most people were laughing out loud now. John and Ivan were about dying in the corner. They slapped each others back and cackled. Lewis, the black kid, was over in his spot doing nothing.
Stephen, why dont you sit down, said Mr. Hurston.
No, I wont sit down! I wont bow down to these racists! They deserve to die! They should burn in the ovens!
Now even cool Stacey looked surprised. Then she smiled. Everyone was having a great time except Stephen. I really felt bad
for him, but Staceys smile did something to me. If I look back on it, thats what did it, that little upturn at the sides of her glossy pink lips. I wanted to make Stephen go crazy so that I could see Stacey smile.