Jamie invited me to a Fourth of July party, at this Menlo girls house, Katie Hesher. It was my first high school party. She lived on the other side of the San Francisquito Creek. It was woodsy over there. It was this big, one-story wooden house, like a fancy log cabin. We got there around nine. There were roomfuls of people. Everyone was drinking beer, mostly Keystone Light. I recognized a lot of people from my school, Paly, but Id never seen them outside of school.
Jamie got me a beer; I opened it and held it. Jamie went off somewhere, and I sat on a couch in the living room. People came and sat on the couch, and talked, and left. I sat there for a long time. I didnt know anyone from Menlo, and I didnt know the people from my school. I sipped my beer. It was like thick, frothy urine.
I thought about Jans Fourth of July. I imagined him going to a movie. He was with his wife, Greta. They entered the theater with their arms around each other. They were smiling. Maybe they were going to see Schindlers List. They sat in the movie and ate popcorn and enjoyed it and were serious about life.
After a while, I got up and went outside. There was a mist. I walked down the long driveway, under the large sycamore trees. The noise from the party got quieter the farther I walked. At the end of the driveway, I crossed the street. On the other side was the San Francisquito Creek
bed. It was very deep and steep and I could barely see the water at the bottom. It was so dark.
I still had my beer. I couldnt finish it. I took another sip, and then dumped the rest out into the dirt. The creek trickled in the black below, the bushes around me were still. I kept the can, and I walked back across the road and up the driveway. I saw a guy from my school, a water polo player named Zack Cuttle. He was standing behind one of the cars in the driveway. I was about to say hi, but then I realized that he was probably peeing. I tried to walk by discreetly. As I passed, I could see that his eyes were closed. I looked over, and I realized that he wasnt peeing; he was getting a blow job from someone behind the car. I stood there for a second. Then I walked quickly before he saw me. I went up the stairs and back inside.
I couldnt find my cousin Jamie. I sat back on the couch, right in the middle. There were lots of people around. Everyone was talking so loudly. After a few minutes, Zack Cuttle and Stephanie Jeffs walked inside. I looked at them, and then I looked down. They went into the kitchen, where a lot of people were.
Then this guy sat next to me. Ronny Feldman. He sat right next to me on the couch. He was a bad kid and he was handsome. He had gone to my school but had been kicked out.
What are you doing here? he said.
I came with my cousin.
But why are you here ?
I dont know, I said. He laughed. Then he grabbed my beer can and shook it a little. He laughed again because it was empty. He put it on the table.
Here, he said, and gave me another Keystone Light. I was already feeling light-headed from the first beer.
Thanks, I said. He was wearing a white T-shirt that was thin from being washed so many times. The neck was wasting away. His arms were thin but muscular. They had all these old scars and bruises on them. He had short, straight blond hair and a cherubic face, with a perfect nose. He was so handsome, but also like a little boy and dangerous.
I didnt know what to say, so I opened the beer and took a sip. Too big of a sip. I choked.
Easy, he said. He patted me on the back.
He kept patting me, even after I stopped choking. I didnt stop him. He did it softly. One of his friends walked by, this black guy named Camper Williams. He had skinny arms and legs, but a fat belly. His face was like a pit bulls.
Thats fucked-up, Ronny, said Camper.
What? said Ronny. He stopped patting me. Camper laughed and walked away.
We sat there, and then I said, Why did you get kicked out of school?
Because I broke all the windows in this assholes car.
Why did you do that?
This motherfucker, Brian Simpson, threw some eggs at me.
Why? I was very interested.
Whatever. On the Sunday before, I was walking, and I saw this car drive by. Someone said something, and then I saw the car turn around . . .
Where? I said.
He looked at me funnily, like who cared where it happened, and then he said, Over on East Meadow. So they drove back and they threw eggs at me. I fucking chased them, but they were gone. I guess Brian thought I wouldnt recognize the car, but I did. So on that next Monday, I went to school at lunchtime . . .
You didnt go to first period?
No, Ino, I skipped first period. He seemed like he was laughing at me a little bit. But not in a bad way. I just went at lunch, to fuck up his car. I smashed every window with a bat. They kicked me out for that.
So now where do you go?
I went to this continuation school, Shoreline, but I got kicked out because I was the only white dude with all these black and Mexican dudes from East Palo Alto. They thought they could fuck with me, but they couldnt. They kicked me out for fighting. Now I go to this school for idiots and Im with the real retards.