When he dropped Shauna off he said, Youre the best team Ive ever coached.
Then we drove. I was in the front seat. He wasnt driving toward my house but I didnt say anything. It was getting dark. April, you really are the best player. I didnt say anything. You want to hear a joke? I didnt say anything so he didnt tell it. I took my cigarettes from my bag and I lit one. He didnt say anything but he cracked my window.
At his house he parked and told me that Michael was still at day care. He got out, and after a second I got out. Inside, he got me some water from the kitchen but I didnt drink it. I just kissed him. I did it hard because I was angry with him and sad because of the game. And sad because soccer was over and it was the thing I knew how to do best. We went to the couch. I was wearing sweats and he undressed me and got a condom and I lay on my back and we did it, simple. And then it was over. I was fourteen. We got dressed and he drove me home. At my house I saw the Smarties from Halloween on my desk. I undid the plastic wrapper and ground each one into powder.
For the rest of the year, I went to Mr. Bs all the time. Sometimes to babysit and sometimes not. Wed sit in his living room, in the dark, and watch TV. Most Saturdays wed watch Saturday Night Live, and weekdays wed watch reruns of Cheers. He had a good body, good hair, and a nice smile. He was funny; he liked television and funny movies. He wasnt older and I wasnt younger. We went to the mall sometimes too and got clothes. We always took Michael to the mall.
The next year I went to high school at Paly but I still went to Mr. Bs all the time. My parents thought I was babysitting. I would tell Mr. B that I loved him and he would tell me. My sister was the only one who knew. She said it was okay as long as we were in love.
After everything had been going on with Mr. B for almost two years, I went to a party one night. I usually didnt go to parties because I spent so much time with Mr. B. I went with Shauna and Alice. They were my only friends and that was only because I saw them at soccer.
When we got to the house everyone was sitting around the living room; some were on the couch and some were
on the carpet. The carpet was beige and so was the couch, and the walls were dark wood paneling. Everyone was being pretty quiet. The girls and I went to the kitchen and got some beers from some junior guys, Denny Johnson and Beau. I wanted to be like the other girls so I laughed when the guys said things.
Back in the main room, someone put on Menace II Society, so then everyone was sitting around the floor watching the big brown TV on the beige carpet. The movie was stupid. It tried too hard. It was trying to show a tough kind of life, but also be cool about it. There were shootings and sex and car jackings and everyone was too tough to care. I watched for an hour and drank three beers. After an hour I went outside to smoke.
Teddy was out there. There were a few other people off in the dark. I hadnt talked to him in a while because he was in the smart classes. I pulled out my pack of Reds, but it was empty. I asked Teddy for a cigarette. Teddy
other controller.
You have to pick. Who do you want to be?
I want to be the girl.
Chun Li? She sucks.
I dont care, I want to be Chun Li. He told me what to press. Now how do I fight you?
You press the buttons, he said. He was this Chinese guy and he beat the shit out of me. I pressed the buttons and my girl punched and kicked but it didnt do any good. He killed me twice and the game was over. Two cookies, he said.
What?
I get two cookies, I won.
What are you talking about?
Thats the rules.
No its not. Your dad said you get four cookies and you already had them.
Cindy lets me.
Who?
My other babysitter.
Who is she?
Shes my other babysitter. She lets me have cookies.
I stood up and walked to the kitchen. He was telling me he wanted one Oreo and one chocolate chip when I walked out the back door.
I didnt know where to go. I drove. Nirvana was in the CD player and I turned it off. I just drove and smoked. I didnt want to go home. I smoked four cigarettes. I had only one more left so I drove to 7-Eleven. I bought some more Reds with my sisters ID and a Diet Coke. Outside, I used the pay phone. First I called my sister, but she wasnt there. I called Shauna and then I called Alice. Alice said there was a party and gave me the address. I got in the car but I didnt turn the key. The lights inside the 7-Eleven made everything look yellow. The light fractured when I started crying.
After a while I started the car and drove slowly back toward Mr. Bs. I had one more cigarette in the old pack. I had turned it upside down so I could make a wish. I put it in my mouth and lit it and made a desperate wish.
Tar Baby
This guy, A. J. Sims, and I, we got a bottle and drank it in his bedroom in the basement of his house. Vodka, clear and burning. We drank it straight from the big glass bottle.
A.J. had seven brothers, older and younger, so there were clothes, cups, and trash all over the house and some of the walls were flaking paint. There wasnt much space, and all A.J. had for privacy was this shitty little underground room with a bed two inches off the floor, and his boom box and his hip-hop mix tapes.