Usually I liked Wilson,
that was the end of it. I couldnt bring up April again. Barry had done it with her, the girl I loved, and it had meant nothing to him; Tanya would die and no one would care; and there were billions of bodies alive on earth and they would all be buried and ground into dirt; and Picasso was a master at age sixteen and I was a perfect shit.
Everyone smoked more and we listened to music. Bob Marley was on and there was a line in a song he kept repeating: The stone that the builder refuse / Will always be the head cornerstone. After the third time he sang it Barry asked everybody what they thought it meant.
Its from the Bible, I said. The meek will inherit the earth, or something like that.
Why will the meek inherit the earth? said Ute. I never understood that.
Jesus said it, said Jack.
I know, but why ? said Ute. Why will they? And how?
Ed said, They wont.
Everyone thought about that and shut up.
I had a bad weekend. I didnt do anything. I just watched Point Break again and read some of Crime and Punishment. On Tuesday I went back to the Towers after school. I was almost done with all my hours, and then I knew I would never go back there. When I got to twelve Brian was there, carrying the television. The screen was cracked and there were dark spots behind the cracks. The TV wasnt big but Brian was struggling a little.
Hey, help me with this thing, he said. I took one end and we carried it together into the elevator. One of the zombies fell on it and knocked it over.
Is everyone okay?
Yeah, I think so. The guy was fine. They wont even miss it; they cant understand what theyre watching anyway.
Yes they can.
Are you kidding me? Those people are gone. They dont know whats happening. Two of them thought I was their son, and Im Chinese .
Theyre still people.
Whatever that means. The more time I spend here, I think more and more about how theyre just these bags of guts being wheeled around, and its like the gears are turning inside, but just out of habit, nothing is alive.
At the ground floor we went outside and around to the back where the Dumpsters were. We did three windup heaves and then let the TV go into the back of one of the Dumpsters. The screen shattered and the body settled among the papers and cardboard.
Back upstairs, one of the orderlies came up to me. His name was Manuel, he was about twenty-five, and had a kind face.
Hey, Tanyas daughter came by and saw the pictures you made of Tanya. She liked them.
Really?
Yeah, you should go see her. Room twelve twenty-six.
I walked over to Tanyas room. Inside, it was dark. The overhead light was on, but it was weak and had a green cast. There were two beds in the room; Tanya was sitting on the edge of one, staring at the floor. The other bed had a naked mattress on it. I said hello and she looked up, and when she saw it was me she gave me her smile. I walked over and sat on the empty mattress across from her. Our knees were almost touching because the room was so small.
Then I noticed the two pictures framed on the wall behind her. They looked like a memorial.
How are you?
Fine. I fine, she said, smiling.
I see you put the pictures up, I said.
Pretty. You draw so well.
No. I think Im crap, I said. Sorry, I mean, Im no good.
She slowly reached over and took my hand. Her hand felt like sticks in a sheet. She cradled my hand with both her hands.
You good, she said. You so good, a good boy. She lifted my hand and held it to her face. Her cheek was softer than I expected. I moved my thumb around a little and felt her wrinkles. They were just there, skin folding on itself.
You good, she said again. You captured me good.
She smiled and I felt the soft skin bunch under my fingers. I looked into her smile. There was someone in there.
Part III
April
Right before eighth grade I moved from Phoenix to Palo Alto with my parents and older sister, Tiff. My dad came to work at ROLM. I could play soccer and I smoked more than anyone. But in Palo Alto, even when the other soccer girls were nice to me, something didnt fit.
Mr. B was my soccer coach. His first name was Terry, and his last name was Brodsky. Hed been Mr. B for years, he said. He was forty-two. He had all his hair and tan skin and wore a purple baseball cap a lot. After a week, he told me I was the best soccer player in the eighth grade. He told jokes about dogs and horses and skeletons and I laughed at them. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, Give me a beer and a mop . The ones about horses were even worse,
and sexual, but I laughed. He would also make fun of the boys in my class. I saw Teddy Morrison changing the other day and I think hes missing the hair under his arms, then hed laugh.
After two months in Palo Alto I had made some friends, Shauna, Sandy, and Alice Wolfe. And our soccer team was doing well. At the end of practice one day, Mr. B asked me to babysit his son, Michael. I have a date this Saturday, he said. I know, stupid . I told him it wasnt stupid.