We shot animals, and people. But they were all small animals, and we didnt kill anyone.
Emily
He was so cute. Younger, but I didnt care. He was a change from the assholes in my grade like Adam and Roberto who just wanted to fuck and do it in the ass. Or come on my face like a porn, and tell their friends about it. And with them I was always the last call.
The first time I saw Ryan was over at the Oldses house, John and Steves. Everyone would go over there all the time. John with all the sophomores and Steve with all the juniors. It was the hangout house. I was always there because Maddy Patten was going out with Steve.
Ryan was there one day. It was after school. He was in Johns room, sitting on the edge of the bed playing a video game. He had a black Yankees hat on and he looked like an angel. I could tell that he was different, sweeter than the others. He had pain in his eyes.
I stared at him without him knowing. Or maybe he knew. I came up with all these fantasies just watching him play the video game. I didnt talk to him then.
Two weeks later, there was a party at the Patten twins house. Theyre my best friends, Elsie and Maddy. The boys called Elsie Last-Call because her name sounded like L-C. Maddy was still with Steve.
At the party, we three were playing I Never with a bunch of other girls. Someone says, I never , and if youve done the thing that they say, like cheated on a boyfriend, you have to drink.
I never had sex at school.
I drank.
I never had sex with two guys at once.
I drank.
I never had sex with three guys at once.
When it was my turn to say I never, I had a hard time thinking of things to say. I said, Ive never been in love. So stupid.
A couple of the girls drank. Elsie didnt drink, but Maddy did, and I thought she was stupid because
that meant that she loved Steve. But then I thought that maybe it wasnt so stupid. There was something inside me that was saying that I was in love with Ryan, even though I had never talked to him. I had this feeling all of a sudden like I wanted to take care of him.
Then it was funny because he walked in. He was with John Olds and some sophomores. I stopped playing I Never and I went over to him.
Hey, I said.
His friends gave him looks. He acted shy. He was like a deer.
Hey, he said.
You wanna play quarters?
He and his friends and me and some junior girls played. Pork, and Adi, and the Pattens, and me versus the sophomore boys.
We were playing on the island in the kitchen. Im very good at quarters. They were very bad, and we killed them. After a while they all looked sick. We played eight rounds and they got it in once. On the eighth round, Ryans friends each took a tiny sip because they couldnt take anymore. They left the whole pitcher for Ryan.
You gotta drink it all, shithead, said Pork. She was a porker. All the guys called her Pork because she had big tits and a big ass, she was loud and rude, and her hair was big and brown and curly like a beasts. I told her to shut up. Ryan took the pitcher in both hands and drank. It started spilling around the sides of his mouth and onto his shirt. He got wet and then wetter. He couldnt finish it all.
Finish the backwash, said Pork.
Shut up, Pork, I said.
I never called her Pork to her face. Elsie laughed.
Fuck you, bitch, go ahead and play with your little kids, said Pork, and she left the kitchen. I laughed. Elsie said she was going to piss, and the other girls left. Ryan was trying to take big breaths, but he was doing it very slowly. He was swaying.
Do you need some air? I asked.
I took him to the backyard, but a bunch of the junior and senior guys were out there. We went around to the side of the house, to a little side yard. Above, there was a trellis with jacaranda flowers; underneath it was dark and cool. He put one hand on the fence and hung his head. He breathed slowly. Then he crouched low to the ground. He threw up against the fence. I laughed a little, but only to myself. I put my hand gently on the top of his head. After he was done I helped him up under his arm. We stood for a minute in the cool dark. He was hunched with his hands on his thighs. We said nothing, but it was like we were talking. Finally, I asked if he wanted some water.
We were back in the kitchen, and I got a glass from the cupboard and took some water from the sink. He took a sip. Then he took another one. Through the kitchen door I could see Pork talking to Adam and some other guys. They were looking toward me and laughing. Adam made a gesture and smiled. I turned back to Ryan.
You feel better?
He nodded. He did look a little better. He finished the water. I took the glass and put it in the sink.
Follow me, I said. I took his hand. We went upstairs. I led him down the hall to the twins parents room. He didnt say anything. I told him to sit on the side of the bed. I told him to lie back and he did. His feet were on the floor. Then I undid his pants. I pulled his boxer shorts down to his feet. I did it for a while. He made sounds.