What? said Arthur Dent.
For a few seconds Ford seemed to ignore him, and stared fixedly into the sky like a rabbit trying to get run over by a car. Then suddenly he squatted down beside Arthur.
Weve got to talk, he said urgently.
Fine, said Arthur, talk.
And drink, said Ford. Its vitally important that we talk and drink. Now. Well go to the pub in the village.
He looked into the sky again, nervous, expectant.
Look, dont you understand? shouted Arthur. He pointed at Prosser. That man wants to knock my house down!
Ford glanced at him, puzzled.
Well he can do it while youre away cant he? he asked.
But I dont want him to!
Ah.
Look, whats the matter with you Ford? said Arthur.
Nothing. Nothings the matter. Listen to meIve got to tell you the most important thing youve ever heard. Ive got to tell you now, and Ive got to tell you in the saloon bar of the Horse and Groom.
But why?
Because you are going to need a very stiff drink.
Ford stared at Arthur, and Arthur was astonished to find that his will was beginning to weaken. He didnt realize that this was because of an old drinking game that Ford learned to play in the hyperspace ports that served the madranite mining belts in the star system of Orion Beta.
The game was not unlike the Earth game called Indian Wrestling, and was played like this:
Two contestants would sit either side of a table, with a glass in front of each of them.
Between them would be placed a bottle of Janx Spirit (as immortalized in that ancient Orion mining song Oh dont give me none more of that Old Janx Spirit/ No, dont you give me none more of that Old Janx Spirit/ For my head will fly, my tongue will lie, my eyes will fry and I may die/ Wont you pour me one more of that sinful Old Janx Spirit).
Each of the two contestants would then concentrate their will on the bottle and attempt to tip it and pour spirit into the glass of his opponentwho would then have to drink it.
The bottle would then be refilled. The game would be played again. And again.
Once you started to lose you would probably keep losing, because one of the effects of Janx spirit is to depress telepsychic power.
As soon as a predetermined quantity had been consumed, the final loser would have to perform a forfeit, which was usually obscenely biological.
Ford Prefect usually played to lose.
Ford stared at Arthur, who began to think that perhaps he did want to go to the Horse and Groom after all.
But what about my house? he asked plaintively.
Ford looked across to Mr. Prosser, and suddenly a wicked thought struck him.
He wants to knock your house down?
Yes, he wants to build
And he cant because youre lying in front of the bulldozers?
Yes, and
Im sure we can come to some arrangement, said Ford. Excuse me! he shouted.
Mr. Prosser (who was arguing with a spokesman for the bulldozer drivers about whether or not Arthur Dent constituted a mental health hazard, and how much they should get paid if he did) looked around. He was surprised and slightly alarmed to find that Arthur had company.
Yes? Hello? he called. Has Mr. Dent come to his senses yet?
Can we for the moment, called Ford, assume that he hasnt?
Well? sighed Mr. Prosser.
And can we also assume, said Ford, that hes going to be staying here all day?
So?
So all your men are going to be standing around all day doing nothing?
Could be, could be
Well, if youre resigned to doing that anyway, you dont actually need him to lie here all the time do you?
What?
You dont, said Ford patiently, actually need him here.
Mr. Prosser thought about this.
Well no, not as such he said, not exactly need Prosser was worried. He thought that one of them wasnt making a lot of sense.
Ford said, So if you would just like to take it as read that hes actually here, then he and I could slip off down to the pub for half an hour. How does that sound?
Mr. Prosser thought it sounded perfectly potty.
That sounds perfectly reasonable, he said in a reassuring tone of voice, wondering who he was trying to reassure.
And if you want to pop off for a quick one yourself later on, said Ford, we can always cover up for you in return.
Thank you very much, said Mr. Prosser who no longer knew how to play this at all, thank you very much, yes, thats very kind He frowned, then smiled, then
tried to do both at once, failed, grasped hold of his fur hat and rolled it fitfully round the top of his head. He could only assume that he had just won.
So, continued Ford Prefect, if you would just like to come over here and lie down
What? said Mr. Prosser.
Ah, Im sorry, said Ford, perhaps I hadnt made myself fully clear. Somebodys got to lie in front of the bulldozers havent they? Or there wont be anything to stop them driving into Mr. Dents house will there?
What? said Mr. Prosser again.
Its very simple, said Ford, my client, Mr. Dent, says that he will stop lying here in the mud on the sole condition that you come and take over from him.
What are you talking about? said Arthur, but Ford nudged him with his shoe to be quiet.
You want me, said Mr. Prosser, spelling out this new thought to himself, to come and lie there