And youll never walk alone Impact minus five seconds, its been great knowing you guys, God bless Youll ne ver walk alone!
I said, yelled Trillian, does anyone know
The next thing that happened was a mid-mangling
explosion of noise and light.
Chapter 18
Relaxing in a wickerwork sun chair, Zaphod Beeblebrox said, What the hell happened?
Well I was just saying, said Arthur lounging by a small fish pool, theres this Improbability Drive switch over here he waved at where it had been. There was a potted plant there now.
But where are we? said Ford who was sitting on the spiral staircase, a nicely chilled Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster in his hand.
Exactly where we were, I think said Trillian, as all about them the mirrors showed them an image of the blighted landscape of Magrathea which still scooted along beneath them.
Zaphod leapt out of his seat.
Then whats happened to the missiles? he said.
A new and astounding image appeared in the mirrors.
They would appear, said Ford doubtfully, to have turned into a bowl of petunias and a very surprised looking whale
At an Improbability Factor, cut in Eddie, who hadnt changed a bit, of eight million seven hundred and sixty-seven thousand one hundred and twenty-eight to one against.
Zaphod stared at Arthur.
Did you think of that, Earthman? he demanded.
Well, said Arthur, all I did was
Thats very good thinking you know. Turn on the Improbability Drive for a second without first activating the proofing screens. Hey kid you just saved our lives, you know that?
Oh, said Arthur, well, it was nothing really
Was it? said Zaphod. Oh well, forget it then. OK, computer, take us in to land.
But
I said forget it.
Another thing that got forgotten was the fact that against all probability a sperm whale had suddenly been called into existence several miles above the surface of an alien planet.
And since this is not a naturally tenable position for a whale, this poor innocent creature had very little time to come to terms with its identity as a whale before it then had to come to terms with not being a whale any more.
This is a complete record of its thoughts from the moment it began its life till the moment it ended it.
Ah! Whats happening? it thought.
Er, excuse me, who am I?
Hello?
Why am I here? Whats my purpose in life?
What do I mean by who am I?
Calm down, get a grip now oh! this is an interesting sensation, what is it? Its a sort of yawning, tingling sensation in my my well I suppose Id better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so lets call it my stomach.
Good. Ooooh, its getting quite strong. And hey, whats about this whistling roaring sound going past what Im suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps I can call that wind! Is that a good name? Itll do perhaps I can find a better name for it later when Ive found out what its for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! Whats this thing? This lets call it a tailyeah, tail. Hey! I can really thrash it about pretty good cant I? Wow! Wow! That feels great! Doesnt seem to achieve very much but Ill probably find out what its for later on. Nowhave I built up any coherent picture of things yet?
No.
Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, Im quite dizzy with anticipation
Or is it the wind?
There really is a lot of that now isnt it?
And wow! Hey! Whats this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like ow ound round ground! Thats it! Thats a good nameground!
I wonder if it will be friends with me?
And the rest, after a sudden wet thud, was silence.
Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the universe than we do now.
Chapter 19
Zaphod glanced away from the mirror screens which presented a panoramic view of the blighted landscape on which the Heart of Gold had now landed.
Oh, the Paranoid Android, he said. Yeah, well take him.
But what are supposed to do with a manically depressed robot?
You think youve got problems, said Marvin as if he was addressing a newly occupied coffin, what are you supposed to do if you are a manically depressed robot? No, dont bother to answer that, Im fifty thousand times more intelligent than you and even I dont know the answer. It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.
Trillian burst in through the door from her cabin.
My white mice have escaped! she said.
An expression of deep worry and concern failed to cross either of Zaphods faces.
Nuts to your white mice, he said.
Trillian glared an upset glare at him, and disappeared again.
It is possible that her remark would have commanded greater attention had it been generally realized that human beings were only the third most intelligent life form present on the planet Earth, instead of (as was generally thought by most independent observers) the second.