Do you want my help with this?
Cath looked at Reagan. Even without her makeup and hair, the girl was terrifying. There was just no fear in her. No hesitation. Talking to Reagan was like standing in front of an oncoming train.
I dont know what this is, Cath said. She clenched her fists in her lap and forced herself to keep talking. I feel like what happened last night was just an aberration. Like it could only have happened in the middle of the night, when he and I were both really tired. Because if it had been daylight, we would have seen how inappropriate it was
I already told you, Reagan said, hes not my boyfriend.
Its not just that. Cath turned her face toward the wall of windows, then back at Reagan, earnestly. It was one thing when I had a crush on him and he was totally unattainable. But I dont think I could actually be with someone like Levi. It would be like interspecies dating.
Reagan let her spoon drop sloppily into her cereal. Whats wrong with Levi?
Nothing, Cath said. Hes just not like me.
You mean, smart?
Levis really smart, Cath said defensively.
I know, Reagan said, just as defensively.
Hes different, Cath said. Hes older. He smokes. And he drinks. And hes probably had sex. I mean, he looks like he has.
Reagan raised her eyebrows like Cath was talking crazy. And Cath thoughtnot for the first time, but for the first time since last nightthat Levi had probably had sex with Reagan.
And he likes to be outside, Cath said, just to change the subject. And he likes animals. We dont have anything in common.
Youre making him sound like hes some rowdy mountain man who, like, smokes cigars and has sex with prostitutes.
Cath laughed, despite herself. Like a dangerous French fur trapper.
Hes just a guy, Reagan said. Of course hes different from you. Youre never going to find a guy whos exactly like youfirst of all, because that guy never leaves his dorm room.
Guys like Levi dont date girls like me.
Againthe girl kind?
Guys like Levi date girls like you.
And what does that mean? Reagan asked, tilting her head.
Normal, Cath said. Pretty.
Reagan rolled her eyes.
No, Cath said, seriously. Look at you. Youve got your shit together, youre not scared of anything. Im scared of everything. And Im crazy. Like maybe you think Im a little crazy, but I only ever let people see the tip of my crazy iceberg. Underneath this veneer of slightly crazy and socially inept, Im a complete disaster.
Reagan rolled her eyes again. Cath made a mental note to stop rolling her eyes at people.
What would we do together? Cath asked. Hed want to go to the bar, and Id want to stay home and write fanfiction.
Im not going to talk you into this, Reagan said, especially if youre going to be stupid. But I will say this: Youre being stupid. He already likes you. He even likes your creepy fanfiction, he wont stop talking about it. Levis just a guy. A really, really goodmaybe even the best guy, and nobodys saying you have to marry him. So stop making everything so hard, Cath. You kissed him, right? The only question is, do you want to kiss him again?
Cath clenched her fists until her fingernails bit into her palms.
Reagan started stacking the empty dishes on her tray.
Why did you break up? Cath blurted.
I kept cheating on him, Reagan said flatly. Im a pretty good friend, but Im a shitty girlfriend.
Cath picked up her tray and followed Reagan to the trash.
* * *
She didnt see Levi that night. He worked Wednesday nights. Thats when Cath realized that she knew Levis work schedule.
But he texted her about a party Thursday at his house. party? thursday? my house?
Cath didnt text him backshe tried to. She kept starting messages and deleting them. She almost sent back just a smiley-face emoticon.
Reagan got home from work late that night and went straight to bed. Cath was at her desk, writing. Levi killed our Outsiders quiz, Reagan said, stifling a yawn.
Cath smiled down at her laptop. Did you talk about me?
No. I didnt think youd want me to. I told you, Im a pretty good friend.
Yeah, but youre more Levis friend than mine.
Bros before hos, Reagan said.
Before she left the room the next morning, Reagan asked Cath if she wanted to go to Levis party.
I dont think so, Cath said. I have class Friday morning at eight thirty.
Who registers for a class that meets Friday morning at eight thirty?
Cath shrugged.
She didnt want to go to Levis party. Even though she liked him, she didnt like parties. And she didnt want the first time she saw him after what had happened to be at a party. With party people. With any people.
* * *
Cath was pretty sure she was the only person in Pound Hall tonight. She tried to tell herself that it was kind of cool to have a twelve-story building to herself. Like being trapped in the library overnight.
This is why I cant be with Levi. Because Im the kind of girl who fantasizes about being trapped in a library overnightand Levi cant even read.
Cath immediately felt bad for thinking that. Levi could read. (Sort of.)