Okay, she said.
He grinned and started to say something.
Shut up. She held up her left hand. Dont make me change my mind. Just let me find something.
She opened the Simon/Baz folder on her desktop and scrolled through it, looking for something suitable. Nothing too romantic. Or dirty.
Maybe yeah. This onell do.
All right, she said, you know how, in the sixth book
Which one is that?
Simon Snow and the Six White Hares.
Right, Ive seen that movie.
Okay, so Simon stays at school during Christmas break because hes trying to find the fifth hare.
And because his dad has been kidnapped by monsters in creepy costumesso no happy Christmas dinner at the Snow house.
Theyre called the Queens Ogres, Cath said. And Simon still doesnt know that the Mage is his dad.
How can he not know? Levi demanded. Cath was encouraged by how indignant he sounded. Its so obvious. Why does the Mage show up every time something important happens and get all weepy, talking about how he knew a woman once with Simons eyes
I know, Cath said, its lame, but I think Simon wants so badly for the Mage to be his dad that he wont let himself accept the overwhelming evidence. If he were wrong, it would ruin him.
Basil knows, Levi said.
Oh, Baz totally knows. I think Penelope knows, too.
Penelope Bunce. Levi grinned. If I were Simon, Id be all-Penelope, all the time.
Ech. Shes like a sister to him.
Not like any of my sisters.
Anyway, Cath said. This story takes place during that Christmas break.
Okay, Levi said, got it. He closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall, holding Caths pillow. All right. Im ready.
Cath turned to the computer and cleared her throat. (Then felt stupid about clearing her throat.) Then glanced back at Levi one more time. She couldnt believe she was doing this.
Was she really doing this?
If you keep pacing like that, Baz said, Im going to curse your feet into the floorboards.
Simon ignored him. He was thinking about the clues hed found so far, trying to see a pattern the rabbit-shaped stone in the ritual tower, the stained glass hare in the cathedral, the sigil on
the drawbridge
Snow! Baz shouted. A spell book sailed past Simons nose.
What are you thinking ? Simon asked, genuinely surprised. Flying books and curses were fair game in the hallways and classrooms and, well, everywhere else. But if Baz tried to hurt him inside their roomThe Roommates Anathema, Simon said. Youll be expelled.
Which is why I missed. I know the rules, Baz muttered, rubbing his eyes. Did you know, Snow, that if your roommate dies during the school year, they give you top marks, just out of sympathy?
Thats a myth, Simon said.
Lucky for you Im already getting top marks.
Simon stopped pacing to really look at his roommate. Normally he liked to pretend that Baz wasnt here. Normally, Baz wasnt here. Unless he was spying or plotting, Baz hated to be in their room. He said it smelled like good intentions.
But Baz had hardly left the room in the last two weeks. Simon hadnt seen him in the caf or at football, hed seemed drawn and distracted in class, and his school shirtsusually pressed and bright whitewere looking as manky as Simons.
Because hes a vampire, Simon! Levi interjected.
In this story, Cath said, Simon doesnt know that yet.
Hes a vampire! Levi shouted at her laptop. And hes hunting you! He stays up all night, watching you sleep, trying to decide whether to eat you whole or one chunk at a time.
Simon cant hear you, Cath said.
Levi sat back, hugging the pillow again. They are kind of gay, arent they? What with all the watching each other sleep and the ignoring Penelope.
Theyre obsessed with each other, Cath said, as if this were one of lifes absolute givens. Simon spends the entire fifth book following Baz around and describing his eyes. Its like a thesaurus entry for gray.
I dont know, Levi said. Its hard for me to get my head around. Its like hearing that Harry Potter is gay. Or Encyclopedia Brown.
That made Cath laugh out loud. Big Encyclopedia Brown fan?
Shut up. My dad used to read them to me. He closed his eyes again. Okay. Go on.
Is something wrong? Simon asked, then couldnt believe hed asked it. Its not like he really cared. If Baz said yes, Simon would likely say Good! Still, it seemed cruel not to ask. Baz may have been the most despicable human being Simon had ever met but he was still a human being.
Im not the one pacing the room like a hyperactive madman, Baz mumbled, his elbows on his desk, his head resting in his hands.
You seem down or something.
Yes, Im down. Im down, Snow. Baz raised his head and spun his chair toward Simon. He really did look terrible. His eyes were sunken and shot with blood. Ive spent the last six years living with the most self-centered, insufferable prat ever to carry a wand. And now, instead of celebrating Christmas Eve with my beloved family, drinking mulled cider and eating toasted cheeseinstead of warming my hands at my ancestral hearth Im playing a tortured extra in the bloody Simon Snow Show.