Somebody had even started selling T-shirts on Etsy that said KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON with a photo of Baz and Simon glaring at each other. Wren bought Cath one for her eighteenth birthday.
Cath tried not to let it all go to her head. These characters belong to Gemma T. Leslie, she wrote at the beginning of every new chapter.
You belong to Gemma, shed say to the Baz poster over her bed at home. Im just borrowing you.
You didnt borrow Baz, Wren would say. You kidnapped him and raised him as your own.
If Cath stayed up too late writing, too many nights in a rowif she was obsessing over the comments or the criticismWren would climb into Caths bed and steal her laptop,
holding it like a teddy bear while she slept.
On nights like that, Cath could always go downstairs and keep writing on her dads computer if she really wanted tobut she didnt like to cross Wren. They listened to each other when they wouldnt listen to anyone else.
Hey, guys, Cath started typing now into her FanFixx journal. She wished Wren were here, to read this before she posted it.
So I guess its time for me to admit that college is hard College is hard! Or, at least, time consuming!and Im probably not going to be updating Carry On as much as I used to, as much as Id like to.
But Im not disappearing, I promise. And Im not giving it up. I already know how this all ends, and Im not going to rest til I get there.
* * *
Nick turned around in his desk as soon as class was dismissed. Youll be my partner, right?
Right, Cath said, noticing a girl in the next aisle glance at them disappointedly. Probably because she wanted to work with Nick.
They were each supposed to find a partner and write a story together outside of class, trading paragraphs back and forth. The point of the exercise, Professor Piper said, was to make them extra-conscious of plot and voiceand to lead their brains down pathways theyd never find on their own.
Nick wanted to meet on campus at Love Library. (That was the actual name; thank you for your donation, Mayor Don Lathrop Love.) Nick worked there a few nights a week, shelving books down in the stacks.
Reagan looked suspicious when Cath started packing up her laptop after dinner. Youre leaving the dorm after dark? Do you have a date ? She said it like it was a joke. The idea of Cath on a date.
Im meeting someone to study.
Dont walk home by yourself if its late, Levi said. He and Reagan had class notes spread all over Reagans side of the room.
I walk home by myself all the time, Reagan snapped at him.
Thats different. Levi smiled at her warmly. You dont rock that Little Red Riding Hood vibe. Youre scary.
Reagan grinned like the Big Bad Wolf.
I dont think rapists actually care about self-confidence, Cath said.
You dont? Levi looked over at her seriously. I think theyd go for easy prey. The young and the lame.
Reagan snorted. Cath hung her scarf on her neck. Im not lame, she mumbled.
Levi heaved himself up off Reagans bed and slid into a heavy, green canvas jacket. Come on, he said.
Why?
Im walking you to the library.
You dont have to, Cath argued.
I havent moved in two hours. I dont mind.
No, really
Just go, Cath, Reagan said. Itll take five minutes, and if you get raped now, itll be our fault. I havent got time for the pain.
You coming? Levi asked Reagan.
Fuck no. Its cold out.
It was cold out. Cath walked as quickly as she could. But Levi, long as his legs were, never broke an amble.
He was trying to talk to Cath about buffalo. As far as she could tell, Levi had a whole class that was just about buffalo. He seemed like hed major in buffalo if that were an option. Maybe it was an option.
This school was constantly reminding Cath how rural Nebraska wassomething shed never given any thought to before, growing up in Omaha, the states only real city. Cath had driven through Nebraska a few times on the way to Coloradoshed seen the grass and the cornfieldsbut shed never thought much past the view. Shed never thought about the people who lived there.
Levi and Reagan were from some town called Arnold, which Reagan said smelled and looked like manure.
Gods country, Levi called it. All the gods. Brahma and Odin would love it there.
Levi was still talking about buffalo even though they were already at the library. Cath climbed the first stone step, hopping up and down to stay warm. Standing on the step, she was practically as tall as him.
Do you see what I mean? he asked.
She nodded. Cows bad. Buffalo good.
Cows good, he said. Bison better. Then he gave her a lazy, lopsided grin. This is all really important, you knowthats why Im telling you.
Vital, she said. Ecosystems. Water tables. Shrews
going extinct.
Call me when youre done, Little Red.
No, Cath thought, I dont even know your number.
Levi was already walking away. Ill be in your room, he said over his shoulder. Call me there.
* * *
The library had six levels aboveground and two levels below.
The sublevels, where the stacks were, were shaped strangely and accessible only from certain staircases; it almost felt like the stacks were tucked under other buildings around campus.