At lunch, it turned out that I had little willpower, and the pain made the tears flow. Dad even scolded me a little.
«You mustnt tolerate pain,» he said while caressing me. «If it hurts, you have to tell me.»
I was ready for Daddy to take the belt, but he caressed and scolded me so gently that I wanted to cry again.
«Arent you going to give me to a psychiatrist?» I asked because well «No psychiatrist, please.»
«Poor baby,» my mother hugged me. «What have you been through»
«No one will give you to a psychiatrist.»
I noticed that those words made Herman look very pale. He must have been afraid of that liar too. Dad told me that he would help me stop the pain. And I believed it, of course. Then, Herman took the spoon from my trembling hands and began to feed me like a baby. I didnt want to eat, but I had to be obedient
«Lets eat some more,» the boy told me. «Then, you can rest while I do my homework»
«Can I come too?» I asked him as piteously as I could, and my «fiancé» agreed.
Herman didnt mind being a fiancé at all. I even asked him why, and he answered:
«Youre a miracle,» he said and caressed my head so tenderly that I squeezed my eyes shut in pleasure.
Oh, I forgot! It turned out that I was ten years old and almost a year away from the dreaded academy. And I didnt look like Mariana in the mirror, not at all. So I definitely died and became a new person. Someone wrote about this in some books, I dont remember the name. The academy was in the book, so I thought: if the surnames are the same, then Im in the book, right?
Herman got down to his lessons, and I rolled closer: not to distract him, but to be busy with something. He put the history book in front of me and told me not to distract him. So I was reading the story without distracting him and imagining that if I had distracted him, he would have been very upset, and I didnt want to upset my «fiancé», even if it was just for fun. Herman was doing his exercises and was upset because something was wrong. I looked in his notebook and almost immediately saw that he had mixed up the minus in the beginning with the plus. I used to make that mistake too, thats why I noticed it. I was sitting and worrying about it, and Herman was worrying too, so I couldnt resist it.
«Herman,» I called him softly and touched his sleeve. «May I disturb you, and later you can beat me up for it?»
«Oh» The boy was angry at first, but then, when he heard what I was suggesting, he just hugged me and held me tight. «You little kitten.» It was so tender that I sobbed. «Whats wrong with my dear one?»
Herman was so much older than me, wise, so kind, and affectionate I just couldnt help crying.
«Youve mixed up the minus with the plus here,» I pointed out cautiously and immediately squeezed my eyes shut in fear.
«Thank you, kitten,» the boy thanked me softly and stroked my eyes so that they opened. Somehow he wasnt angry with me at all, even though I disturbed him.
Then, he quickly finished his homework and started asking me about history well, about what I had read. Somewhere in the middle, I got scared for some reason, and Herman somehow sensed it and stopped asking me questions, although I expected him to scold me because Id forgotten half of it. But my «fiancé» somehow figured it out, put the book down, hugged me, then put me to bed and wanted to leave, but I gave him such a pitiful look that he stayed.
At dinner, I couldnt eat on my own again, so Herman fed me and Dad was frowning for some reason. I got a little scared. If it hadnt been for the nappy, I probably would have peed myself, but Dad had thought of everything, and I just well Daddy said that a lot of people pee after a ca-the-ter and its no big deal, the nappy was just to make me feel comfortable and prevent me from crying. It was so weird that someone would care about me. Dad also said that he would think of some ways to help me, and I was a little afraid.
When I was Mariana, I was usually punished in the evenings, so this evening, without a reminder, I rolled to Dad and climbed to his lap with my belly so that he could punish me because I was guilty of many things.
Dad didnt even understand what I was doing. He was silent and only held me with his hands to keep me from falling.
«What are you doing, little girl?» Mother asked.
«Well, Ive done something wrong today,» I explained, trying to catch my breath. «So I need to be punished»
As I looked around, I saw Hermans big eyes. He was very surprised but I didnt understand why.
«What did you do wrong?» Mum asked, showing something to Daddy.
He lifted me and laid me on his lap. I raised my skirt myself but I couldnt move my panties, I mean, my nappy.
«Well, I distracted Herman, then I couldnt eat on my own, and then» I started speaking more and more quietly because I was getting scared again. «Also, I failed to answer some questions»
«Herman?» Mother called out.
«Rie helped me with an exercise. And the fact that she didnt remember everything from the history book No one expected her to,» the fiancé» explained.
From the beginning, he immediately started calling me «Rie instead of «Gabriella, and I didnt mind because it sounded very gentle. I couldnt see what Herman was doing now.
«Daughter, do you want to be punished?» Dad finally spoke up and caressed my back. «Or do you just think youll be punished anyway?»
«Being punished makes me breathe easier and Im not so scared,» I admitted. Well, what if he chased me away?
«Are you afraid of pain?»
Dad, of course, felt that I was shrinking, so he also patted me on the head.
«That someone will chase me away,» I answered quietly.
It was a pity I couldnt see their faces in my position.
Then, my dad put me back in the chair. He got up and went away, then came back with a stethoscope (this is a tool with two tubes that helps to listen to your chest).
«No one will ever chase you away,» Mother said sternly. «You are our daughter forever, remember?»
«Yes,» I nodded, which made my eyes dim. «So what about the punishment?»
«You havent deserved it yet,» Dad murmured thoughtfully, listening to something. «I think its a restriction3, but why?»
«It depends on the anamnesis4,» Mother said unclearly.
She got up, came to me, squatted down, and hugged me. I felt so warm that I relaxed completely.
«Do you know where you lived?»
«I dont know exactly, but I think it was a pantry,» I answered what I had read in books when I was Mariana.
Mothers eyes got larger, and Herman started to look like an owl. He stared at me without even blinking, and then he hugged me promising that no one would ever touch me again.
Dad went somewhere and came back with a big blue cylinder. It turned out to be medical oxygen. They put a mask on my face, and my breathing immediately became very easy, and Dad just sighed. Also, they put some kind of a peg on my finger5. It glowed red, and my dad looked at the little screen and stroked his head. Then, Mum was talking to me for a long time, asking me why I thought I was going to die. So I told her everything I knew. Then they washed me and put me to bed with my mask, peg, and device. It was a bit sad to part with Herman, but I hoped to wake up tomorrow.
While I was asleep, I was having some completely magical dreams and, for the first time, I didnt want to die. I saw adult Herman putting a ring on my finger and calling me his dear one. Its a pity it was only a dream
Price
Elsa sat next to Gerhardt, telling him what she had learned from Gabriella. Herman honestly eavesdropped. First of all, he was curious. Then, the girl who called him «fiancé» touched some strings in his soul, which made him want to understand the situation. Herman didnt know any other way to get information, so he lurked behind the sofa listening to his parents conversation something he had never done before.
«Ehlers-Danlos syndrome 6 ,» the man repeated after his wife thoughtfully. «And a high-intensity pain syndrome, because she did everything despite the pain. We have to figure out how to relieve it.»