Two hundred francs, I said promptly.
Tiens![37] she said, surprised; well, thats not bad. How expensive those English clothes must be!
The lie saved a lot of trouble, and, strangely enough, it came true. A few days later I did receive exactly two hundred francs due to me for a newspaper article, and, though it hurt to do it, I at once paid every penny of it in rent. So, though I came near to starving in the following weeks, I was hardly ever without a roof.
It was now absolutely necessary to find work, and I remembered a friend of mine, a Russian waiter named Boris, who might be able to help me. I had first met him in the public ward of a hospital, where he was being treated for arthritis in the left leg. He had told me to come to him if I were ever in difficulties.
I must say something about Boris, for he was a curious character and my close friend for a long time. He was a big, soldierly man of about thirty-five, and had been good-looking, but since his illness he had grown immensely fat from lying in bed. Like most Russian refugees, he had had an adventurous life. His parents, killed in the Revolution, had been rich people, and he had served through the war in the Second Siberian Rifles, which, according to him, was the best regiment in the Russian Army. After the war he had first worked in a brush factory, then as a porter at Les Halles, then had become a dishwasher, and had finally worked his way up to be a waiter. When he fell ill he was at the Hôtel Scribe, and taking a hundred francs a day in tips. His ambition was to become a maître dhôtel, save fifty thousand francs, and set up a small, select restaurant on the Right Bank.
Boris always talked of the war as the happiest time of his life. War and soldiering were his passion; he had read innumerable books of strategy and military history, and could tell you all about the theories of Napoleon, Kutuzof, Clausewitz[38], Moltke[39] and Foch[40]. Anything to do with soldiers pleased him. His favourite café was the Closerie des Lilas in Montparnasse, simply because the statue of Marshal Ney[41] stands outside it. Later on, Boris and I sometimes went to the rue du Commerce together. If we went by Metro, Boris always got out at Cambronne station instead of Commerce, though Commerce was nearer; he liked the association with General Cambronne, who was called on to surrender at Waterloo, and answered simply, Merde!
The only things left to Boris by the Revolution were his medals and some photographs of his old regiment; he had kept these when everything else went to the pawnshop. Almost every day he would spread the photographs out on the bed and talk about them:
Voilà, mon ami.[42] There you see me at the head of my company. Fine big men, eh? Not like these little rats of Frenchmen. A captain at twenty not bad, eh? Yes, a captain in the Second Siberian Rifles; and my father was a colonel.
Ah, mais, mon ami, the ups and downs of life! A captain in the Russian Army, and then, piff! the Revolution every penny gone. In 1916 I stayed a week at the Hotel Edouard Sept; in 1920 I was trying for a job as night watchman there. I have been night watchman, cellarman, floor-scrubber, dishwasher, porter, lavatory attendant. I have tipped waiters, and I have been tipped by waiters.
Ah, but I have known what it is to live like a gentleman, mon ami. I do not say it to boast, but the other day I was trying to compute how many mistresses I have had in my life, and I made it out to be over two hundred. Yes, at least two hundred Ah, well, ça reviendra[43]. Victory is to him who fights the longest. Courage! etc., etc.
Boris had a queer, changeable nature. He always wished himself back in the army, but he had also been a waiter long enough to acquire the waiters outlook. Though he had never saved more than a few thousand francs, he took it for granted that in the end he would be able to set up his own restaurant and grow rich. All waiters, I afterwards found, talk and think of this; it is what reconciles them to being waiters. Boris used to talk interestingly about Hotel life:
Waiting is a gamble, he used to say; you may die poor, you may make your fortune in a year. You are not paid wages, you depend on tips ten per cent of the bill, and a commission from the wine companies on champagne corks. Sometimes the tips are enormous. The barman at Maxims, for instance, makes five hundred francs a day. More than five hundred, in the season. I have made two hundred francs a day myself. It was at a Hôtel in Biarritz, in the season. The whole staff, from the manager down to the plongeurs[44], was working twenty-one hours a day. Twenty-one hours work and two and a half hours in bed, for a month on end. Still, it was worth it, at two hundred francs a day.
You never know when a stroke of luck is coming. Once when I was at the Hôtel Royal an American customer sent for me before dinner and ordered twenty-four brandy cocktails. I brought them all together on a tray, in twenty-four glasses. Now, garçon[45], said the customer (he was drunk), Ill drink twelve and youll drink twelve, and if you can walk to the door afterwards you get a hundred francs. I walked to the door, and he gave me a hundred francs. And every night for six days he did the same thing; twelve brandy cocktails, then a hundred francs. A few months later I heard he had been extradited by the American Government embezzlement. There is something fine, do you not think, about these Americans?
I liked Boris, and we had interesting times together, playing chess and talking about war and Hotels. Boris used often to suggest that I should become a waiter. The life would suit you, he used to say; when you are in work, with a hundred francs a day and a nice mistress, its not bad. You say you go in for writing. Writing is bosh. There is only one way to make money at writing, and that is to marry a publishers daughter. But you would make a good waiter if you shaved that moustache off. You are tall and you speak English those are the chief things a waiter needs. Wait till I can bend this accursed leg, mon ami. And then, if you are ever out of a job, come to me.
Now that I was short of my rent, and getting hungry, I remembered Boriss promise, and decided to look him up at once. I did not hope to become a waiter so easily as he had promised, but of course I knew how to scrub dishes, and no doubt he could get me a job in the kitchen. He had said that dishwashing jobs were to be had for the asking[46] during the summer. It was a great relief to remember that I had after all one influential friend to fall back on.
V
A short time before, Boris had given me an address in the rue du Marche des Blancs Manteaux. All he had said in his letter was that things were not marching too badly, and I assumed that he was back at the Hôtel Scribe, touching his hundred francs a day. I was full of hope, and wondered why I had been fool enough not to go to Boris before. I saw myself in a cosy restaurant, with jolly cooks singing love-songs as they broke eggs into the pan, and five solid meals a day. I even squandered two francs fifty on a packet of Gauloises Bleues[47], in anticipation of my wages.
In the morning I walked down to the rue du Marche des Blancs Manteaux; with a shock, I found it a shimmy back street as bad as my own. Boriss hotel was the dirtiest hotel in the street. From its dark doorway there came out a vile, sour odour, a mixture of slops and synthetic soup it was Bouillon Zip, twenty-five centimes a packet. A misgiving came over me. People who drink Bouillon Zip are starving, or near it. Could Boris possibly be earning a hundred francs a day? A surly patron, sitting in the office, said to me. Yes, the Russian was at home in the attic. I went up six flights of narrow, winding stairs, the Bouillon Zip growing stronger as one got higher. Boris did not answer when I knocked at his door, so I opened it and went in.