Three thousand euros in five years at that rate means repaying almost one and a half times the capital at maturity. Although I am quite prone to silly behaviours, I come to the conclusion that this idea would be useless and unnatural: there could be better ways to get in touch with the blue creature. More than a simple hello the next time I bump into her would be too straightforward for the way my brain works. What if the glow was just a simple and sudden glow? It would be useless to put energy into a blue flash ready to go off within a minute of conversation; even though I doubt that this may happen: such a deep blue colour cannot dissolve so quickly; this would be totally in contrast with the intensity of her gaze.
«Land Registry extracts were done together with the merger approval; nothing has changed since then, right, Brando? Can you pass them to me so that we can quickly go over them and check them?»
«There hasnt been any change, here they are» I reply, pushing the papers in front of me towards the notary.
Better to leave her in the world of dreams, dreams that are almost real, glowing dreams that are almost real.
«Next week we will register the deed and I will give you the updated extract» I say.
«Thank you, have a good day.»
«Ill show you the door» I answer.
When I get back to my desk, I find the notary there waiting for me in front of my desk, fiddling with an elastic band in his hands.
«You look already burned out today Brando: you look as lively as a warthog infected with Ebola virus» he says ironically while I am staring at him a little puzzled.
«Lets go to the coffee room: our clients who want to set up a company will be here shortly, shall we get a coffee in the meantime? You can stir yours, if you wish.»
«I wont have it stirred, just to show you my support.» After a few minutes, we are in the deed room again, sitting on the same chairs we sat on earlier on, with two coffee cups in our hands.
«Now, Brando, all that positive energy that is coming out from you, where does it come from?»
«I believe it is just an inner feeling. It is not on sale, I think.»
«Just as well, otherwise suicide attempts could unreasonably increase.»
«I dont think I am contagious, anyway.»
«No, I dont think so. What comes out of you is harsh if anything but what worries me is what you have inside.»
«Really? Why are you saying this? I dont look too weird or depressed today... I mean I dont look any different than other days.»
«Thats it, Brando. You are depressed and weird like many other days. However, lately, you are almost over the limit. I have known you for years now, I have never seen you like this.»
«You think so? I dont know, I havent thought about my psychological and physical condition today, actually. I got here and I got down to work with the files. I think I did even take a breath, from time to time.» Maybe the thought of the blue glow took my mind off what I was doing for a few minutes, her apparition may have shaken a regular day at its onset, but I think I am alright.
«I am not too sure, Brando. You look to me more and more... I dont know how to put it...»
«Loony?» I ask.
«No. Id rather say gloomy. As if you are trapped inside something. Trapped in there.»
«Trapped inside what?»
«Trapped inside, thats all.»
«What do you mean, trapped inside myself?»
«Yes, thats it.»
«Excuse me, notary, I have felt just fine up until two minutes ago: the day was passing just fine, like many others. Now, thinking that I am trapped within myself could make me feel distressed, it is a disturbing picture.»
«Maybe I am the only one to detect this lately: dont read too much into my words. It depends on the places we are trapped in: they dont have to be always bad places. If you have coconut trees and sun all day inside yourself, it could be all good» he replied with a smile.
«Sure. Havent you just said that I am gloomy inside? Actually dark?» I ask a little puzzled.
«Yes: mine was just a theory in fact» he answers. «Contra spem.»
«So funny» I say it with a grin.
«Lets put aside this introspective journey inside yourself» the notary goes on, «what makes you feel this way?»
«What do you mean? I am the same as any other day.»
«Has anything unusual happened to you recently? Is your matt car okay? Your parents? Is everything okay? Do you still live on your own refusing every human contact?»
«When are our next clients coming?» I ask with a sarcastic tone, to try and change subject.
«In a few minutes, I reckon. However, we have plenty of time to make a brief examination of your current life.»
«Good, how nice. Why though?»
«For no particular reason. I worry about you, about your psychophysical condition. More about the former than the latter.»
«Excellent. I am happy that you worry about my mental health. It pleases me very much.»
«So then?» he insists.
I am looking at the empty cup that I hold in my hands.
«Now I can tell you that my matt car is doing well and I guess my parents too, I mean, they are doing only too well. I add that I do not live on my own, I have occasional and normal contact with the other dwellers on planet Earth, and you are one of them.»
«Thank God, Brando, you have stopped hanging around with the aliens, this is a positive thing. Did you start hanging around regularly with somebody else, I mean, with the opposite sex?»
«No, I didnt. I stopped with the aliens, just give me some time to change my habits, meet new people to hang around with. Maybe zombies, there are so many around.»
«Very funny. Lets take a note: nothing new, the candidate does not point out any recent changes in his lifestyle. I am sure that if you behave like this, the sentence to home confinement will be revoked, sooner or later.»
«Home confinement that I was granted being trapped inside myself?» I wonder, puzzled.
«Right that one.»
«I was asking because I was afraid I had got lost.»
«So, are you dead on not trying to repent?»
«I dont think I need to repent for anything. Thats the way I am: I do not hang around with aliens, zombies nor human beings; I am gloomy and a bit down but I have always been like that. Maybe lately the whole situation has gone a bit worse, maybe I find it difficult now to put up with some situations that I used to somehow manage before.»
«Attention, please. We have here some sort of explanatory sentence which expresses a whole thought» the notary says sarcastically. «Are you talking about work in general or something more complicated?»
«It is the whole situation, what is around us: people, in particular. It is the attitude that people have towards each other. Not just in the working environment: it is something that makes me sick, it makes me feel bad.»
«People. People make you sick: disturbing. What do you mean, Brando?»
«There is some sort of pathological apathy everywhere. They all just want things and expect them without doing anything useful for themselves or for the others.»
«That has been my feeling too for quite some time.»
«Do you know the history of do ut des?» I ask.
«Sure, do ut des and do ut facias, are the foundation of private law. You are talking about a wider picture, dont you?»
«Yes, a wider and more trivial scenario. Men have always acted this way: you give something to get something else back. I think this is fair, quite normal. The problem is that now it is only a des: give me this because I am entitled to it, I want this because I am more worthy than you. The synallagma has changed: everybody expects something but nobody does anything.»
«Interesting analysis. Is that what makes you gloomy?»
«I dont know. This is for sure something that I cant stand. And there is so much more to it.»
«Talking about do ut des, did those guys from Newco Dating Ltd avail of the legal counselling service, didnt they?»
«They did, they dropped in on a Wednesday, two weeks ago. They are two guys from Eastern Europe who want to start a dating business on the internet. Actually, I am not too sure if they are real rendezvous, which are organized on the web or virtual dating, like online chats or something like that. Anyway, they were telling me that their web site is ready for the users and they are trying to create a mobile app too.»